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Post by Honstlar on Jun 1, 2022 17:07:52 GMT -6
Synopsis: Homestar finds his old laptop in the trash and asks the BODH to help rebuild it, only for them to rebuild it too much.
{Yellow letters reading "Previously on HomestarRunner.com" on a black background zoom out slowly.} {voiceover} Previously {pronounced "preh-viously"} on homestarrunner.com... {Cut to the Happy 8600. Strong Bad runs in from the left.} Oh hello, idiot-proof computer! You look a little thirsty. Time for some long overdue allegedly citrus-flavored payback! {Strong Bad produces a giant bottle of Mountain Dew. Zoom in on Strong Bad} {rubs chin} How does that old adage go? Ah, yes. {mimicking Homestar} "Apply libewally!" {Camera zooms out} Hooyah! {Strong Bad pours the Mountain Dew on the Happy 8600. Within seconds, it begins to spark and smoke.} Whoa! {smiles} Ha ha! {Homestar walks in.} Ooh, cool. How did you get it to do that? USB? Four pin? Eight pin? FireWire? Was it FireWire? I bet it was FireWire. {Cut to another set of yellow letters reading "A decade or so later..."} {voiceover} A demcade or so's latter... {Cut to Homestar outside the Hatquarters, carrying three drippy trash bags over to a dumpster with "The Gfdgsgxgzgdrc Is Cool And Stuff Commemorative Dumpster" written on it.} {singing} Taking out the trash, taking out the trash... {Homestar tries to stuff one of the bags into the dumpster, but it's too big for it.} Woah, now that is a huge bag. {Homestar tries to stuff the bag into the dumpster again. It still won't fit} Okay then, it's a tiny bag. {Homestar tries to stuff the bag into the dumpster one more time. I bet you can figure out what happens.} Oh man, so much for reverse psychology. Well, there's only one other option. Stomping! {Homestar hops on top of the bag and starts to stomp on it.} Why! Won't! You! Go! In! The! Hole! {A familiar green laptop bursts out of the bag, covered in sticky green goop.} Awww, the bag had a baby. {Homestar picks up the laptop.} I just gotta take this little sucker home. {Homestar walks off into the distance with the laptop in his "arms"} Oh, it's so adorable. {Cut to the BODH A-Squad at the meeting table} ...and that's how I nearly choked the 16th time!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 5, 2022 0:48:49 GMT -6
You've told us this story seven times in a row. Can we please talk about something else? No way, I've still got to tell you about the next twelvety hundred times! {The doorbell rings.} Well, that must be our regularly scheduled inciting incident of the plot. Aw man, I was hoping the entire episode would be a dramatic flashback to that time(s) I choked on vinyl siding. {Homestar walks in.} Hey, you guys got a doorbell here? Yeah, we do. Cool, cool. Where is it? Next to the door. Sweet, sweet. So this must be the place I just doorbelled. Do you just go around pressing random doorbells? Well, I saw it there and figured I'd help myself. It's a nice coincidence I ended up here actually! I wanted someone to do something about this ol' superbox. {places the computer on the table} Isn't that your old laptop? Heavens to betsy, I didn't recognize it under all the lime-flavored delight! I saw it had all those doorbells with letters on 'em and assumed it was some kinda kids' toy. I think that's called a keyboard. So that's why it wasn't making no dinging noise! Clearly, that's the most important thing we must amend.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 5, 2022 1:35:39 GMT -6
What kinda hot mess is that thing supposed to be anyway? Looks a bit too cheap to be one of Compy's already low budgeted offerings. Le gasp! Don't you know technological perfection when you see it? Look, SRMX, I know you're the resident tech weirdo, but even you have to admit that thing is a piece of cra- SHUT UP! And you forgot the 12! Sheesh, man! It's just a number. I'll have you know that this is the OCLAAT Happy 8600! One of the most remarkable machines one can buy with box tops from specially marked boxes of Fruit Squish'ems! O'Claat? What the crap is that supposed to mean? One Cheap Laptop At A Time, of course! The charity dedicated to making sure that starving orphans have access to the stuff they really need! Like food? Or clean water? Or parents? LAPTOPS, YOU FOOLS! LAPTOPS!!! {Pause. SRMX12 frantically starts typing on his Prisma One.}
Someone must have woken up on the wrong side of the waffle iron today. Speaking of, it's waffle time!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 11, 2022 0:45:51 GMT -6
No need to serve us waffles right now. But I'm the resident 30-Minute Waffle Distributer! By my self-imposed rule, I must distribute waffles every 30 minutes or face the penalty of death! {SRMX12 types a command into the Happy 8600, closes it, and opens it as if opening a waffle iron, revealing a fresh waffle on the keyboard.} {kneels to the laptop} Praise be to the almighty Happy 8600. I am not worthy. These laptops are designed to feed starving orphans. That's what makes them so special! Ooh! Can you program us some charbroiled snagglins? This thing can only make waffles, and only one of them at that. I did say these things were cheap. What's the point of the laptop then? Couldn't OCLAAT just give the kids a single waffle? Because it's not the waffle that's important! What these poor children really need is laptops!!
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 11, 2022 1:52:56 GMT -6
And what's with the Compy star? I thought you said this wasn't made by them. Oh, silly Greg, that's not the Compy star! The Compy star has 5 points. So does this one! Wait, what's this little speck on the bottom? {Greg pulls out a magnifying glass, revealing a microscopic point on the bottom of the star.} Well, what do ya know?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 15, 2022 23:58:04 GMT -6
Well, can you fix it? Oh, we'll fix it all right... {the camera slowly zooms in as the edges of the screen dim} we'll fix it better than any computer has ever been. {maniacal laugh} What's with the sinister laughing? I just really like fixing computers. All right! I'll be back to pick it up at 6:30. Don't feed it any pudding, and make sure it has a nap at 3. Otherwise it gets cranky and crashes your browser. Will do! {Homestar walks offscreen. A door is heard shutting.} So, wanna feed it pudding?
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 16, 2022 0:42:10 GMT -6
NO! Didn't you hear what Homestar said? Besides, we don't have any pudding! Then what's this brown stuff I found in the dumpster? {Gfd pulls out a weird brown blob.} That's just Dijjery-Doo! {Two tusks and a pair of eyes pop onto the blob} Dijjery-Doo: Hey guys. {Cut to the outside of the KOT's castle. Lightning strikes in the background.} {offscreen} Muah-ha-ha-ha! {Cut to an old fashioned laboratory. SRMX12 is wearing a black lab coat.} Soon, the world will bear witness to the greatest technological achievement in the world... A living, breathing laptop! {Thunder is heard.} Igors 1 through 3! {Pan to reveal Honstlar, The Poopsmith, and The Cheat wearing grey lab coats and nametags with "Igor" written on them.} Bring me the components!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 16, 2022 22:37:58 GMT -6
{The Cheat places a yo-yo on the table.} That's slightly less, uh, technological than I had in mind. {questioning The Cheat noises} Yes, I meant the computer repairing components! {understanding The Cheat noises}{The Cheat runs off, then returns to place three yo-yos on the table.} What part of "computer repairing components" do you not understand? {looks at the blueprints, consisting of a crude illustration of three yo-yos, labeled "around the world"} I don't see anything wrong here.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 17, 2022 0:07:52 GMT -6
{SRMX12 makes some frustrated noises and switches out the blueprints.} Oh, that's what you wanted us to get! I must have accidentally taken one of the clues for The Cheat's ARG.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 18, 2022 1:02:31 GMT -6
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 18, 2022 22:45:40 GMT -6
{makes a "da-ta-da!" fanfare noise.} Well, color me impressed!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 21, 2022 21:03:24 GMT -6
{takes out a paint bucket labeled "impressed"} On second thought, maybe don't. So now we just install the components according to the blueprints? Exactly. {They start doing that.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 21, 2022 23:10:04 GMT -6
Scalpel. {The Cheat hands him a butter knife} Tweezers. {Honstlar hands him some rusty salad tongs.} Screwdriver.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 23, 2022 23:34:33 GMT -6
{The Poopsmith hands him an oversized screwdriver.} Yep, looks like we're almost done here... HAPPY 8600: How much longer? Oh, just a couple more minutes, I'm sure.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 24, 2022 0:45:39 GMT -6
{SRMX12's eyes widen.} I beg your pardon? {Cut to the computer, which now has a face on it's screen.} Beg my what now? {Cut to a closeup of SRMX12's face} {Whispering} Oh my. It's- it's alive. {Cut to a wide shot of the operating table. SRMX12 is frantically running around the table.} It's alive! It's alive, it's alive, it's alive! It's ALIVE!! {Thunder is heard as Honstlar and the Poopsmith walks up to SRMX12.} Calm down, man! For flod's sake! Oh for flod's sake! Now I know what it feels like to be Flod! {Pause.} I mean God.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 30, 2022 0:13:24 GMT -6
Very well, I shall worship you always. Uh, the worshipping isn't entirely necessary... Request accepted, I will cease all worshipping of you. Er— isn't there, like, a happy medium somewhere? I'd at least like some songs written about me, maybe a ritual mango sacrifice in my name every now and then. Variable "ritual_mango_sacrifice" set to "true". Uh, can we convert that to an array? I'd like to store variables for different kinds of fruits. Indeed. Variable values exported to array. All cells filled in with a complete list of fruit varieties. Guys! Do you know what this means?! You like fruit? You have a serious Flod complex? It means not only have we created an artificial lifeform, but one that can learn and change its programming as it sees fit! And it follows exactly what we say!! This couldn't have possibly gone any better! {materializes a mango out of thin air} For you, my master. I stand corrected. It has now gone even better.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 1, 2022 18:56:04 GMT -6
{Cut to Stom and Juniper in the Hatquarters.} ...and that's why socks are overrated! But you didn't say anything. You just stared at the ceiling and made us watch. Which is something you wouldn't have had to do if you weren't wearing socks! Stom, are you okay? Yes. {Pause.} Okay, I'm not really. It's just that I've been thinking that maybe this whole waffle thing isn't working. I mean, it seemed like a good idea at first, but afterwards it kinda got stale. But that's all I know how to do... I mean I've never driven a car before, I've never painted a picture, I've never tried to write a book or read a novella and I've certainly never built a boat, but that's only because I've never had any need to do these things. Maybe I'm over thinking this. It's hard to tell, but what isn't hard to tell is that I think it's time to try something else. But what is there? Well, there's juggling. You could be the juggler of the group.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 6, 2022 1:01:10 GMT -6
{Stom takes some peanuts from a bowl and throws them above the screen. Long pause. A pile of peanuts falls on Stom, burying him underneath.} {muffled} Looks like I'm not much of a juggler either. I guess if nothing works out, I can always just fall back on waffle distribution. {A massive stack of waffles is tossed onto the peanut pile.} Um, did you do that? I have been known to spontaneously will waffles into existence, but this doesn't seem like one of those times. {walks onscreen} I have provided you with waffles as requested. I wasn't requesting waffles! I was thinking about other paths I could take in life. Yeah, like art! Processing art. {the screen displays a painting of Stom in the style of Mona Lisa} ...Or wood carving! {produces an impressive wooden statue of Stom} ...Or, uh, singing the "I'm Just Me" song while hopping on one foot? {repeatedly jumps through the ceiling while bellowing in an opera voice} I'M JUST ME, CAN'T YOU SEE, I'M JUST A SILLY LITTLE BUMBLEBEE. WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO SURPASS ME AT EVERYTHING I THINK OF?! My apologies, my masters. I must have misinterpreted your requests. Let me know if you need further assistance in finding a new talent, and I will refrain from inadvertently humiliating you. "Masters"? Who are you anyway?
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 6, 2022 2:41:29 GMT -6
I am the OCLAAT Happy 8600, serial number 27-24-601. I understand over 127 languages, my processor has a clock speed of 26.38299 GHz and operates at a nice, cool 62°F, and can process 8,024,967,256 equations per second. Oh yeah, well I can preform every Shakespearean play in under a second. (Pause.) AH! I'm pretty sure that was just a yelp. And an unoriginal yelp, too. Oh, what do you know?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 13, 2022 0:07:55 GMT -6
{a high-pitched sound blip eminates from his speaker} What was that? I recited every Shakespearean play in under a second as you requested. I DIDN'T REQUEST IT!! Oh. I apologize again. Would it be accurate to say that my continuous superiority over your actions makes you feel inadequate by contrast? NO! I can do things good too! Like, like... breathing! You don't have lungs, so that's something I can do better than you! {inhales deeply} Oh, now don't YOU start!
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Becca!!
Acolyte
Version 3.5!
Posts: 24
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Post by Becca!! on Jul 19, 2022 14:30:25 GMT -6
BECCA: I’m a computer too!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 1, 2022 21:09:19 GMT -6
You get outta here, you're not supposed to show up until later this episode! {Becca leaves.} We'll continue this discussion after the meeting. {Cut to Stom and Juniper arriving at a BODH meeting.}ALL: {singing} Ever and more, ever and more, ever and more! Yes, that is a song. Now, first on the agenda— er, who are you? I am the Happy 8600. I exist to be your personal robot butler and servant eternal. {arrives} We did it! We fixed Homestar's computer and created life! Uh, not to burst your bubble, but I'm pretty sure life already existed. I should know, I've been alive before. Whoa! How many times? Just once, as far as I know. In fact, I'm doing it right now! I can be alive way better than you. WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?!
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Post by Honstlar on Oct 26, 2022 21:46:25 GMT -6
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Oct 26, 2022 22:10:29 GMT -6
So you're supposed to be like a butler, huh? Gimme some fries. {Happy materializes a dome-lidded platter out of thin air. Gfd lifts the lid to reveal a container of fries underneath.} Whoa! That's cool. Now get me some waffle— I CAN GET YOU SOME WAFFLES! {Before Stom can do anything, Happy fills the room with waffles.} Dang. I wish my computer could do that. This is enough waffles to last me an entire half hour! That's way better than Stom! Yeah, like we don't even need Stom anymore! What are you talking about? Stom isn't just our waffle guy, he also... uh... he's... {Zoom out. Stom has left.} Stom? Well, he's sneaky, I'll give him that.
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 3, 2022 18:34:49 GMT -6
Sneaky, that's the word I was looking for!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 10, 2022 21:40:48 GMT -6
{Cut to Stom in a hat and trenchcoat, walking through a dark alleyway in the rain.} That darned laptop has rendered me obsolete. It's time to turn the tables. {walks in} Hello. Someone by the name of "Stom" sent a transmission informing me that there were integrated circuit microchips in this dark alleyway. Are you the provider? I am, in fact. The provider... {turns around to face Happy, holding a magnet} OF DEATH! {Cut to the outside of the alleyway. Screaming is heard as sparks of electricity light up the vicinity. Cut back to the Hatquarters.}
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 13, 2022 3:11:09 GMT -6
Hey, Rabite, where did you put the pistachios?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jan 20, 2023 16:49:34 GMT -6
Inside your left shoe, next to the canned beans, like usual. {looks into his shoe} Oh, thank goodness. I was worried we might come up short on our taxes. {puts a handful of pistachios into a folder labeled "IRS"} Isn't there someone missing here? Hey, that computer's gone! I knew it! Anyone else? {Pause.} No, I think everyone else is here. Oh, good. Now we can start the annual pistachio festival! {Stom arrives.} Who are you? Wait, I think he might be a BODH member. Remember? He, uh, gave us waffles. I thought Happy 8600 was our waffle guy. Oh, you're right. This person, uh... hmm, I can't remember. What did you do again? Certainly nothing at all murdery to a certain computer, that's for sure. Excellent. Want some pistachios?
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Post by Honstlar on Jan 21, 2023 3:12:56 GMT -6
{nervously} Uhh... {Cut to a POV shot of the pistachios, which morph into small Happy 8600s.} {slowly, in unison} You killed us... {Cut back to Stom.} AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!!! {He grabs a handful of pistachios and scarfs them down.} Well, someone must have been hungry. {The doorbell rings.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Feb 2, 2023 0:48:27 GMT -6
Uh, uh, that's no one, I mean, I'll get it! {Stom dashes over to the door and opens it to reveal Bubs and Coach Z wearing police outfits.} Hey, we've received word of some kinda sicko murderer running around, electrifying innocent computers, so uh... stay safe out dere, all right? {Cut to a POV shot of them with Happy 8600's face.} YOU MURDERER. SOMEDAY... THEY WILL ALL FIND OUT. {Cut back to Bubs and Coach Z.} You okay, kid? You're lookin' a little pale. You deserved it! You don't belong in our club! You don't belong anywhere!! What did we do?! You're right, it was my fault! I know I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't just let you become the new waffle distributor! You think we should take him in for questioning? Absolutely. {Happy 8600 walks in.} Oh great, another vision. Are you going to make me feel guilty too?! IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK! I'm not sure what you mean. Oh, look, that computer is alive after all! No need for questioning, then.
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