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Post by Honstlar on Jul 7, 2021 22:33:11 GMT -6
Synopsis: After Marzipan breaks up with him for the 40th (and seemingly final) time, Homestar moves back to his old house only to find it in a state of disarray. Fortunately, Honstlar, Strong Bad, Dooble, and Sume are there to fix it it up for him. (And then some...) (We open on an aerial shot of a tropical island.) Narrator: Previously on Celebrity IslandMaster... (Cut to Jorn Gandle on a shoddily made raft.) Narrator: Jorn tried to escape... (A giant fish eats the raft.) Narrator: ...and failed. (Cut to a close up of Jonny Fark eating some non-specific meat.) Narrator: Jonny resorted to cannibalism... (Pan out to reveal that he's eating his right foot.) Narrator: ...On himself. (Cut to a black-and-white picture of an actor with a five o'clock shadow, with stitches on his cheek, and something behind his ear. The photo is labeled "Lan Handermannek" at the bottom.) Narrator: And Lan still refuses to show up. (Pan out to reveal the the full caption "Lan Handermannek Probably Doesn't Exist.") Narrator: The nerve of that guy! (Cut to Homestar watching the show on the couch.) Classic Handermannek, always not existing whenever he agrees to do a game show.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 11, 2021 21:11:14 GMT -6
I don't support this show's discrimination against nonexistent people. But nonexistent people don't exist. Exactly. If anyone needs support and recognition, it's all the potentially infinite people who live their lives in nonexistence. Like my gerbil Rufus? Or Strong Bad's girlfriend? Or your girlfriend. What?! I thought you existed! I do. But not as your girlfriend anymore. Wait, does that mean I don't exist? I feel like you're overthinking this. But why? I've met someone new. VOICE: Hey Marzipan, ready to go out? Oh Lan, you're so charmingly nonexistent. {leaves}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 11, 2021 23:03:06 GMT -6
Non-shock of shocks! I've been dumped! Lan: Hey, you mind taking out the trash? (Cut to the front porch, where Homestar is thrown out.) Well, wouldn't be the 27th time she's done that. I'll just sneak back in and wait in the attic for this all to blow over. (Homestar tries to turn the doorknob, but it's locked.) Well, this is new. (Knock, knock.) Hey, Ex-Marzipan, can you unlock the door so I can sneak back in and wait in the attic for this to all blow ove- (Marzipan opens the door, visibly angry.) STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU FILTHY BUM! (The door slams. We then cut to a teary-eyed Homestar.) Filthy? (Cut to Honstlar and Boobtube playing a non-descript FPS.) Your days are numbered, BlubBlub48! Boobtube: Blub blub blu-blub blub, blub blub blu-blub blub blub? (You and what army, PurpleShad0WSlayer?) (Ding dong!) Time out! (Honstlar walks up to the door.) Who is it? (A weeping Homestar smashes through the door, causing it to fall on Honstlar.) (Muffled) Good to see you too.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 12, 2021 13:31:09 GMT -6
{Cut to the two sitting on Honstlar's couch.} Oh, Honstlar! Something horrible just happened! You crushed me with a door? No, something else. You crushed me with a door? Marzipan broke up with me! For the 40th time? Yeah, that sounds mildly inconvenient all right. Have you tried sneaking back in and waiting in the attic for— I think this time was the last one! We're done for! BOOBTUBE: Blubbity blu-blub. (Sobbing like a baby ain't gonna solve any problems. Get a hold of yourself and leave, PurpleShad0WSlayer and I have got unfinished business.) What did he say? He said he's terribly sorry for what happened, and we'll do anything we can to help get you back on your feet. {sniff} Thank you, Mr. Goldfish, you're a real pal.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 12, 2021 18:31:27 GMT -6
Boobtube: Blub blub-blu-blub. (Don’t talk to me.) So, who’s her new burden this time? Some stupid pseudo-existent jerkface who won’t show up for reality game shows. She left you for Lan Handermannek?!? I hate to tell you this, but she probably is gone for good. Then what will I do now? She locked me out of the house and yours is severely lacking in Bronco Trolley supplies. Just as it should be. Wait, I thought you had your own house. I did? Let me guess, you moved in with Marzipan because you forgot where it was, did you? No! {Pause.} Maybe...
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 13, 2021 16:20:40 GMT -6
{Cut to Homestar and Honstlar in the Field, taping "MISSING HOUSE" signs to fences and telephone poles.} {to Strong Bad walking by} Excuse me, sir, have you seen a house around here? Has a roof, couple windows, about yay high? You just described every house I've ever seen. Oh right, I believe my house has a door. Have you seen one with a door? {Cut to Homestar emptying out his shoes.} Nope, not in there. {Cut to Honstlar looking through his fridge.} Not here. {Cut to Homestar and Honstlar riding on a meteor as it speeds through space.} I'm pretty sure I remember my house being on that planet we were just on. {Cut back to the two in the Field.} Do you think it ran away? Did someone steal it? Did it migrate south for the winter? Did Gfd eat it? Hooouse! C'mere, boy! {whistles} How do you lure in a house? I don't know, what do houses like? I'm not sure, I've never asked mine. You think they like chocolate? Mortar might do the trick.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 14, 2021 15:48:13 GMT -6
Homestar, killing is never the answer. Except when Homeschool is involved. No, not murder, mortar. Oh, Sauron has it! (Homestar puts on a cartoon glove and facepalms.) This is gonna take a while. (A marshmallow shaped light bulb appears over Homestar's head) Or will it?... (Cut to Bub's Concession Stand.) A missing house detection kit? That sounds like the kinda thing I would sell. Let's checkity-check the basement. (Cut to Homestar, Honstlar and Bubs in the basement searching through several large boxes.)
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 15, 2021 13:56:28 GMT -6
{tossing the items out of the boxes} Box of chicken beaks? No, that's not it... Gold oven mitts? No... Egyptian artifacts? No... Homestar's house? No... Sorry boys, can't find no house detection kit. Good luck finding your house, though!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 14:03:16 GMT -6
Wait, why don't we check that big box with the skull on it sitting in the corner? (Pan to reveal exactly that.) How did I not notice that earlier?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 15, 2021 16:07:26 GMT -6
{They look in the box and pull out another box, labeled "Hollerin Jimmy's Missing House Detection Kit".} Here it is! Now we just gotta detect your missing house and all your problems will be solved! Except the Marzipan thing. Right. One of your problems will be solved!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 16:30:05 GMT -6
(Cut to Homestar and Honstlar in the forest. Honstlar is wearing a large metal helmet with a satellite dish and radar display and holding a lint roller with a GPS taped to it.) Just a few more steps and we'll be there in no time!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 17, 2021 14:49:50 GMT -6
{The GPS starts beeping.} That means we're getting warm! {The GPS catches fire.} That means we're really getting warm! {They walk a few steps forward, approaching... a cardboard cutout with "HOMESTAR'S HOUSE" written on it.} There it is! My humble abode, in all its two-dimensional corrugated glory! I kinda remembered your house being bigger and... more spacious. What are you talking about? It says "HOMESTAR'S HOUSE" on it, what else could it be? That's a fair point, but I'm still not sure I trust this kit. We should probably investigate further. {Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand.} Hey Bubs, do you have anything I could keep all my favorite flavors of toothpaste in? I'm running out of space in the attic. Lucky for you, I've got an entire house in the basement for all your toothpaste-storing needs!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 19, 2021 17:35:18 GMT -6
(Honstlar and Homestar pop out of Gfd' hat.) Alright, Bubsy 3D, the jig is up! Your little kit sent us on a wild goose chase! And it wasn't even a good one! We know where you're hiding my house, so spit it out!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 19, 2021 22:30:24 GMT -6
Aw, man, you caught me. {spits out the house} Thank you very much. Now all that's left is to wipe off the slobber and carry this back to wherever it was before! {They leave with the house.} Hey, I didn't say you didn't have to pay full price for that! Come back! {After a pause, Strong Bad walks up to the stand.} Hey Bubs, any idea why my house has been replaced with a piece o' cardboard with "SB'S HOUSE" scrawled on it? No clue! Lucky for you, I coincidentally happen to have a house identical to your old one in the basement! {Cut to Honstlar, Homestar, and Gfd placing Homestar's house down.} Phew, that was heavy. How much toothpaste do you keep in there? Hey, you're not in the episode description! Get outta here. I do what I'm told. {vanishes in a puff of smoke}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 20, 2021 15:13:20 GMT -6
(Cut to Homestar and Honstlar walking inside the house. Everything is covered in cobwebs and dust.) Woah, it's like a crappy haunted house but without the admission fee. How long has it been since you last cleaned up around here? (Homestar eats some of the webs.) Judging by the lack of taste in this cotton candy, I'd say... 20 years.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2021 21:19:41 GMT -6
{Bats swarm around them.} Oh, hey guys! I didn't know I had roommates. Looks like you have an infestation or two. {holds up his leg, revealing a small brontosaurus chomping at it} More like twelve. This place has been abandoned so long, multiple species have taken up residence and microscopic life has evolved into dinosaurs all over again. {opens the fridge and gets hit by a laser beam} Ow! I wanted beans, not beams! What happened? A technologically-advanced civilization is waging war in my refridgerator. Is that normal? No way, the civilizations in my fridge have hardly progressed past caveman times. Well, I can live with it. Let's just sit down and watch some TV. {walks into the living room} Oh, the couch has fossilized and the TV's melted. Is your bedroom still intact, at least? {Homestar opens the door, and the house is instantly flooded with dust and spiders.} {spits out a few spider eggs} Can't see it through all this dust. Okay... what about the bathroom? The water in the bathtub has turned into a thick bubbling black substance and is corroding through the floor. {Reality begins to warp.} What's happening?! Looks like the tub has accumulated so much mass that it's transformed into a gravity-distorting black hole. That's not so good.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 14, 2021 22:17:25 GMT -6
{offscreen} Geronimo! {Dooble dives into the black hole substance, and gravity returns to normal.} Hey, what kind of cottage cheese is this?! It tastes like half-baked honeydew! Oh, it's that little hobo man. Thanks for saving the world just now. I saved five bucks on toenail waxing! The power of coupons is to be reckoned with! I think Dooble's so weird, he warps reality to the point where it cancels out the reality warpage of the decades-old water. So we should probably keep him around then to avoid planetary annihilation. And if he has to stay here, then he might as well help us fix up your house. It could use a fresh coat of paint or two. Yeah, the color of the bats is far from aesthetically pleasing. I'd suggest a fine azure. That sounds nearly sublime! I'll furnish the coconuts. Oh no, the coconuts don't need furnishing. I've got that taken care of. Can you help us remove the baseboards? Baseboards is my number one jam! I hit five runs on my local baseboard team.
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Post by Honstlar on Mar 21, 2022 20:50:27 GMT -6
(Dooble puts his thumb into his mouth and blows. As he does, the baseboards begin to inflate like balloons until they pop.) Well, that was quick. Do me, do me!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 27, 2022 14:57:12 GMT -6
{Dooble blows on his thumb again and Homestar's hat blows up in a fiery explosion.} Oopsy town! I mismatched the billfolds. On second thought, maybe don't do that again. Aw man, now I need a new hat! {holds a broken baseboard to his ear} Yes, hello? Food Place? I'd like to make a delivery— yes, the usual. No sauce, but put some ketchup packets on the side... of course, of course. $4,000? Put it on my tab. Yes, no, yes. You too. {the baseboard makes a beep noise and he puts it down}{Sume arrives with a take-out box.} I've got a freshly-cooked hat and ketchup packets for one... {reads the note on the box} Home-starr... Rooner? Ooh, that might be me! Thanks, shortstop! {Homestar takes the take-out box and smashes it through his head. His head emerges with a hat and ketchup packets on top, leaving the box suspended around Homestar's neck.} That's an odd way to put on a hat. Is there any other way? Please tell me, I've gone through so many boxes. I marshalade my headpiece in raspberry residue and absorb the juices! I wish I didn't stick around long enough to hear that, so, uh... I'm just gonna go. {leaves}{Zoom out to reveal that the characters are all standing in about a foot of ambiguous sludge.} Aw, I was hoping you could help us lick all this baseboard corrosion goop off the floor. I'm like 90% sure that's not the most sanitary way to clean the floor. Well, what would you suggest? The only broom I know is Marzipan, and we're not on sweeping terms right now. {reenters} Did you say sweeping? Sume? I didn't know you were a broom! Her name rhymes with broom, we should have known all along. I'm, uh, not a broom. But I am a professional janitor with a professional mop. Great! Can your mop lick the floor clean? For $4,000, sure. Put it on my tab and let's get started!
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Post by Honstlar on Apr 27, 2022 15:08:23 GMT -6
{Cut to a cleaning montage set to lively music}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 27, 2022 16:03:52 GMT -6
{Sume sweeps dust off the floor and comes across a lump under a rug. She lifts up the rug to reveal a large spider, which dissipates into several hundred smaller spiders. She continues sweeping.} {Honstlar uses a spray bottle on a wall, then wipes it off with a towel. That spot becomes transparent, revealing that the wall is actually a large window.} {Homestar dusts off a table, which collapses to reveal the entire thing is made of dust.} {Dooble nails plywood into the walls and nothing funny happens.} {Sume opens a door and dust spills out, blocking the room entrance. She turns on the vacuum, tosses it through the dust, and walks away.} {Homestar approaches a framed photo on the wall, and tilts it to be crooked. The camera rotates to reveal Homestar is standing diagonally on uneven floorboards, and has actually straightened the photo.} {Honstlar opens the freezer door to see Senor Cardgage eating melty candy bars inside. Honstlar closes the door and backs away.}
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Post by Honstlar on May 24, 2022 21:37:20 GMT -6
{Sume rolls out a giant can of paint. She then pulls out two Uzis and fires at the can, painting all the walls light blue in the process.} {Dooble installs a power outlet into a red wall. We pan out to reveal that the red wall is actually the back of Strong Bad's head.} How the crap did I even get here?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 26, 2022 22:54:47 GMT -6
Hold still, I need to charge my cell flown! {crams an entire pigeon into the charger} Hold still, Little Timmy, it won't bite! Are you talking to me or the bird you're cramming into my head? You cannot flinch at your birthday desires! You hear me, bean chowder?! Somehow I feel like that one was addressed to me. {Homestar walks in, with one power outlet covering his eye and another on his chin.} Aw, he got to you too?
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Post by Honstlar on May 26, 2022 23:10:02 GMT -6
{The song finishes and we cut to the outside of Homestar's House.} Okay, we got the inside taken care of, now all that's left is the not inside. Now, what exactly do you do with a weird... mushroom... thing? {Dooble pulls out a drill with a rubber duck attached to the end of it.} I gots it all coated, frog massage.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 5, 2022 1:01:16 GMT -6
{Cut to the rest of the gang as drilling noises are heard, then cut to show a half-eaten fruit cup in place of where the house was.} There you gow! The flavor is forever adequate! Uh, turning Homestar's house into fruit isn't exactly what we had in mind... Do not fret, this one's on the house! I paste the price so you can taste the slice! I was hoping it would still have walls, and floors, and ceilings, and some sort of habitable structure. Say no more, my jolly dollops! {produces a wooden plank from his mouth and sticks it in the fruit cup} I am the natural architect.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 5, 2022 1:14:02 GMT -6
You're a natural something alright. There has to be a way we can salvage this. {Pan to Homestar eating the fruit cup.} Yeah, maybe with some cheese sauce. These house-fruit are kinda bland. {Cut to The Poopsmith and The Chef working on some sort of Rube Goldberg device.} A little to the right, a bit further... {Honstlar, Strong Bad and Sume walk in.} Hey juys, jow's it hanging?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 11, 2022 0:35:07 GMT -6
Please do not disturb our scientific methodology. THE CHEF: Ah, and the tennis ball should knock over some dominos along the way... Yes, yes, of course. And I presume the string would then pull open these curtains? THE CHEF: And tip over a container of confetti above, if possible. {taking notes} I'll add it to the blueprints. Is that some kinda rude iceberg machine? I heard it was called goldberg lettuce. That's impossible, it's not even gold-flavored! As I said, this is serious— THE CHEF: Should the confetti be multicolored? Yes, of course. {turns back to the gang} As I said, this is serious business.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 11, 2022 1:42:15 GMT -6
Really? 'Cause if you ask me, it just looks like an unnecessarily complicated turkey oven. The Chef: All have you know this is as complicated as it needs to be! The King of Town is celebrating his 250th birthday tomorrow night, and he wants it to be the most extravagant event ever! Wait, he's only 250? I coulda sworn he was like... 40,000 or somethin'. And I thought he was the King of Town! I didn't know he was a buncha numbers. Either way, we need your help!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 15, 2022 23:40:29 GMT -6
Now's not a great time. I need to ensure that— THE CHEF: {returns with a bucket of confetti} I got the confetti. All right, that's done, so... sure, I'll help. Great. Follow our directions to the nearest fruit cup. Pardon?
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 16, 2022 0:46:36 GMT -6
Dooble accidentally turned Homestar's house into a fruit cup and we don't know how to fix it. We figured you could help us with your handyman knowledge.
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