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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 7, 2019 17:45:38 GMT -6
{Cut to Darth Pretender and Strong Moff Badkin} Hey, Pretends! How's it been, man? He is here. Well, yeah, I am. That seemed pretty obvious. No... he is here... Who? Is it the vending machine guy? Great, the troopers have been starving! ...It is a presence I have not felt since the prequel films... Oh, well then it can't be the vending machine guy. He came here last month. I give up. Obi-Stom Kenobi. What? Nah. You're getting pretty old. You must be... Fourth-ing things. That doesn't sound right. Sensing things? Yeah, you're just sensing things. With the Fourth. Don't underestimate the Fourth Wall. But wasn't he killed during Broternal Order 66 with the rest of the Haddi? Apparently not. INTERCOM VOICE: Uh, Pretender? The princess is escaping. Stop her! I'll face Obi-Stom.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 18, 2019 16:02:20 GMT -6
{Cut back to the good guys being shot at by Reinforcementses} Hey, what's that chute down there? It's our escape! {They slide down the chute in slow motion} {voiceover; singing}Garbage disposal, what a way to go! Garbage disposal, meet Honst Landwaddler and Garb Solo and Doobacca and R2-Dean2 and S-RMX and Princess E and Obi-Stom and whatever, I can't remember all the characters. Whee!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 8, 2019 17:20:03 GMT -6
{Cut to the inside of the trash chute.} What an incredible smell you've discovered! No need to be sarcastic. We're still alive, aren't we? That wasn't sarcastic. It's delicious. You're more disgusting than the garbage. Yeah, shut up. {A growl is heard.} Uh oh. There's something alive in here. Mmm. Sounds good. Shut up already! {The worm thing eats Honst.} AHHH! NO! That thing just ate Honst!! Well, I can't blame it. You ever tried Tattooinkian? For the last time, SHUT UP! {The walls start closing in.} I have a less than optimal feeling about this. Blap blap bleep blorp. How do we get out of here? I don't know. I think in the original movie, you guys hack the walls from the outside. But... you guys are in here, so that's out. {A lightbulb goes off above Garb's head.} Stand aside! {Cut to a screen reading "1 second later...". Cut back to the trash chute, except the garbage and walls are gone.} Tastes like barbecue chicken. SHUT UP!! {simultaneously} Beep beep! Wait. Where's Honst? Right. Forgot about him. {spits out Honst} I never wish to experience that again.
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Post by Honstlar on Oct 15, 2019 17:59:55 GMT -6
Then I guess you won't like the Tauntaun. The what? Nevermind, let's just get outta here.
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Post by Zascub on Dec 28, 2019 15:10:52 GMT -6
{Obi-Stom runs off in a different direction} Where are you going? I'm supposed to be shutting the tractor beam off right now.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Dec 29, 2019 20:32:54 GMT -6
Just use the Fourth. That's not how the Fourth works! How do you know if you haven't tried it? You've got a point. {uses the Fourth} Hey, I did it! Well, I'm heading back to the Pillenium Falcon. {He runs along and bumps into Darth Pretender.} Oops. Pardon me. I'm just getting to my ship. {looks up} Oh, it's you. I've been waiting for you, Obi-Stom. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master. It's been many a year since we've last encountered each other. I have grown more powerful than you could ever know. And now I will destroy you. Thank you for coming to me. You are no match for my wrath. I have exceeded your teachings. I should be teaching you now, for I am superior. It's too bad we shall never meet again. I've been waiting for this moment for— I get it, Darth, I get it. Don't need to rub it in. How many intimidating one-liners can you string together? My record is two hundred and eight. Well, let's get this over with. {They poke their brightsavers at each other.} This is more anticlimacted than I anticipated. Well, we're both practically senior citizens. You're way older than I am. I don't even have back problems. At least I still have limbs. Say, where'd you get those, anyway? These limbs? The Emperor gave me these as part of my suit. I control 'em with my mind. Isn't that neat? It sure is! Almost makes me want to leave myself for dead while on fire with no limbs. Then that is what I shall do to you. {raises his brightstick} You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly— {Darth Pretender strikes down Obi-Stom.} Ouch. {disappears}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Feb 24, 2020 15:39:36 GMT -6
Aw crap. {They get in the Pillenium Falcon and fly off.} Blipple blap. Bleebity doo. What's that droid got that's so important? The technical readouts of this battle station. We can use it to find a weakness. As long as I get paid for all this. I'm not in it for your revelation— Revolution. What? The line is "revolution". Well, disregardless— "Regardless". Regardless, I'm in it for the money. If money is all you love, then that's what you'll recieve. Hey, great! How much? Like a jillion credits? A few GB of virtual meatloaf? Corn on the cob? Where are you flying us anyway? That's a good question. Where am I flying you guys? Yeahvin-4. It's between Yesvin-4, Novin-4, and Probablynotvin-4. What's with all the 4s? It sounds neat. Can't argue with that. {They land on a jungle planet.} Hey, this is Affirmativevin-4. Oops. {They land on another jungle planet.} There we go.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 30, 2020 16:25:29 GMT -6
{Cut to the rebel base. Senor Cardgage shows the Death Pom plans on a screen.} Oh... considerations, many Lorettas. Here we have plants for our Death Prom. It looks to be here all week in the outer fence. A weakness in the outer defense? The fence is for a large scale salt, Melindabeth. A three-to-one marny should crease the shields. A one-man fighter, eh? We must shimmy down the tranche. Use proton potatoes to target the exact fort. Proton torpedoes to target the exhaust port? It'll be fine dinings for our— Only two meters wide? That'll be easy. I used to space-bull's-eye womp possums in my T-seven-thousand-two-hundred-fifty-six-A-B-C-1-2-3 back on my home system in quadrant G5F3184D, from a distance of at least 3.14159265358 parcecs away. Maybe the Fourth relatively nearby. {Everyone leaves.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 10, 2020 22:56:21 GMT -6
{Cut to the rebels as they prepare for the assault.} Hey, Han Garbo or whatever your name is. You coming alon'? I think you used the apostrophe on the wrong word. Hey, shut it up, you. I can use apostroph's wher'ver I so ple'se. {on a space phone} Hi, yes, hot-free number? I've found an anonymous apostrophe flinger, his name is Honst Landwaddler. He may need a charley horse. Ooh, that'd be great. I've always wanted a horse. But it probably wouldn't be practical in a space assault. Spaceships will do fine. You comi'g along? Nope way. Aww, wh'not? 'Cause that's how it goes in the movie, remember? Gotta have that sweet character development. Right, that makes sense. Plus, I already got my reward. I ain't gonna commit sudoku just to destroy some planet-destroying planet. {A distant roar is heard. Honst runs over.} Biggsgonzola Supreme! You're even Biggs-er than whan I last saw you. More Gonzola Supreme, too. {roars} Yeah, I'll be up there blowing up the Death Pom too! {Cut to the rebels flying through space in their ships.}REBEL: Red Ten standing by. REBEL: Red Negative One standing by. REBEL: Red Three Point One Four standing by. REBEL: Red One Marzillion standing by. REBEL: Reddest Radish standing by. Red Five standing by. RED LEADER: Lock S-foil in attack position. {Aluminum foil comes out of the ships.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 13:15:58 GMT -6
Red Leader: Prepare to enter magnetic field. (Cut to one of the rebel's cockpits where a bunch of keys attach themselves to the windshield.) Red 10: Why did I bring those again? (Cut to the ships flying towards the Death Pom) Rebel: Look at the size of that thing. Reddish Radish: Really, Red Two? It's taken you this long to comment on it? The thing's visible 5,000 parsecs from here! Red Leader: Quit squabbling and accelerate to attack speed.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 15, 2021 14:13:54 GMT -6
This is Red Five, I'm going in... {Cut to Honst at Bubs Brothers MegaMall.} New shoes for only 5,000 credits? What a deal! Does this place have an Ordango's in the food court? {The Drive-Thru Whale pops up from the floor.}DRIVE-THRU WHALE: The Empire has outlawed the Thick-or-Treat Burger. Please stop this corrupt dictatorship for the sake of Blubb-O's chain restaurants everywhere. WHAT?! This is Red Five, I'm really going in! {Cut to Honst in his spaceship flying through the Death Pom trench toward the exhaust port. Darth Pretender's ship follows behind him.} You chumps think you can explode my planet-exploding planet? I think you'll be the ones getting exploded! Or something!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 16:42:20 GMT -6
(Cut to Darth Pretender's targeting computer.) Say your prayers, you little- (Darth Pretender's ship is hit by something, causing him to lose aim.) What?!? (Cut to Garb Solo in the Pillenium Falcon.) Yahoo!!!! ...is my second favorite search engine! Right behind Dogpile. (Cut back to Honst in the trenches.) You got this, kid. Now let's 'splode this thing and go get coffee or somethin'!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 17, 2021 15:50:13 GMT -6
{echoey voiceover} Use the Fourth, Honst. Hey, I thought you died. {echoey voiceover} I did. Now use the Fourth. I don't feel like it. {echoey voiceover} No, seriously, do it. Fine, whatever. {Honst closes his eyes and shoots torpedos into the exhaust port. The ships fly away as the Death Pom blows up.} So that's what happens if you poke Pom Pom with a pin. He really does explode in a fiery ball visible from space! Who's Pom Pom? I'm... not sure. Great shot, kid, that was one in 1,307,256, approximately.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 17, 2021 18:35:53 GMT -6
(Cut to everyone at the Rebel base. Triumphant music is being played, as the Grape Fairie puts some medals on everyone's necks.) Grape Fairie: And so's, for loosening the Empire's grip on the galaxy, I presents yous with these medals of bravery that my ma' got offa Wookie Milson in 1977. (Cut to Garb.) Hey Doobie, where'd your medal go? (Pan to Doobaca, who coughs up the medal.) Say halosche to my new wife!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 18, 2021 17:35:13 GMT -6
{Everyone laughs as the scene irises out. Roll credits.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 19, 2021 3:10:22 GMT -6
(Cut to Grindolo in his throne room.) Mwah ha ha ha! It worked, I’ve changed history! Now to see what’s become of the Banal Order of Dubious Hasbeens! Really, that’s the best you could come up with? Yes it was, Killian, now shut up!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 19, 2021 14:21:35 GMT -6
{Darth Pretender walks in.} Emperor Grindolo, the Death Pom has exploded. Permission to begin construction on a second one? And perhaps a third one after that? And then ships with Death Pom laser technology? Emperor Grindolo? I like the sound of that. But what's with the dumb suit? I need it to survive after Obi-Stom left me burninated and limbless on Mustafaraway. I must've altered history more than I thought. Do you know what has become of the Bad Organisms of Dumb Heads? That's even worse. I've never heard of such a thing in my life. So, it worked? The BODH never existed? Still have no idea what you're talking about, so yeah, I guess it worked. Wonderful. After five long centuries, my plans of vengeance have finally succeeded. I'll never have to see Honstlar's dumb head again. {Cut to the surface of the moon. The Pillenium Falcon lands next to Castle Grindolo, and Honst walks out. Cut back to the throne room, where Grindolo watches from the window.} What the heck? How do Honstlar and his friends manage to survive every time?! That's not Honstlar, that's Honst. I DON'T CARE! Get down there and get rid of them!!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 19, 2021 17:30:56 GMT -6
(A Gungan-like Homeschool Winner appears) Home-Home Winks: Don't-a worries, emperor, meesa take-a cares of da rebels! What in the Sam Hain are you supposed to be? AND HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY CASTLE?!?!?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 19, 2021 22:25:04 GMT -6
{A Yoda-esque Homsar walks in.}YOMSAR: DaAaAaAa, do or don't do, there is no salad sandwiches. {Bubs dressed as Lando enters the room.}BUBSO CALRISSIAN: This deal at the concession stand's getting better all the time! {Coach Z as Ackbar shows up.}COACH ZACKBAR: It's a trorp! {There's The Cheat as an ewok.}CHEATWOK: Yub nub! {EDITED and Arsene Video Greg make appearances as Boba and Jango Fett, respectively.}ARSENO FETT: I'm just a simple game show fan making his way in the universe. VIDEO FETT: I survived the Sarlacc of Town so I could star in the Cheat Commandalorian. {Rabite as Rey fights the Cleanser Geek as Kylo Ren.}CLEANSO REN: You come from nothing! REYBITE: Not if the next movie has anything to say about it! Cool it with the fanservicey crossover business, get down there, and KILL HONST! {Everyone leaves.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 20, 2021 15:07:21 GMT -6
Ugh. {A flush is heard and Honst walks in.} You do NOT wanna go in there! It smells like a barfing dumpster skunk.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2021 20:51:32 GMT -6
Okay, firstly, how do you know what those smell like? You don't want to know. Secondly, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CASTLE?! I need to use the Fourth to defeat the Fifth and restore order to the galaxy! The Fifth? That's you and Darth Pretender. Did you not know that? I was just involved in time travel shenanigans, so I missed out on a good chunk of history. {walks in} Ah, Honst, you've fallen right into my trap. The second Death Pom is now fully operational. There's still good in you, father, let go of your hate. Father?! This is the weirdest timeline. We're kind of speedrunning this trilogy so we can get to the thrilling conclusion. An entire movie and a half just happened offscreen. Neat, whatever. Just kill Honst.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 27, 2022 15:49:28 GMT -6
{Honst and Darth Pretender clash brightsavers.} Yes, let the hate flow through you. Which one of us are you talking to? Oh, uh... I was talking to Darth Pretender, but, uh, come to think of it, that request could really apply to both of you. What?! Why are you cheering on Honst? You just asked me to kill him! Yeah, but I literally just realized that if he kills you, he can become my new apprentice in the bad side of the Fourth, or whatever. Hey, that's, like, really mean! I served you for like 30 years, you can't just betray me like this! Yeah I can. What are you gonna do about it? {throws away his brightsaver} I'm not gonna fight you. It's not the Haddi way. A'ight, well then, lightning time. {Emperor Grindolo zaps Honst with lightning from his ghosty clawfingers. Darth Pretender looks back and forth, conflicted...} No... Nooo!{Darth Pretender tries to pick up Emperor Grindolo, but since Grindolo is a ghost, his hands pass right through.} Wha... what are you doing? You can't touch me, I'm a ghost. Right, right. I was, uh, kind of hoping to toss you into some kind of electric chasm thing. You know, for electrocuting my son. You care about him now? You were just trying to kill him a few seconds ago! Like I said, we're kind of speedrunning this trilogy. Well, if we can't pick him up and slam dunk him into a garbage disposal, what do we do? We could use two brightsavers at once to deflect his electric attacks back at him and say a semi-decent one-liner like "I am all the—" Sounds like a dumb plan that'll anger the fans. What else can we do? Hmm, well... this whole universe is like a new timeline, right? So if we can reverse Grindolo's spell and return to our original time, all of this should be undone.
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Post by Honstlar on May 26, 2022 20:56:34 GMT -6
That could get ugly.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 26, 2022 22:57:53 GMT -6
How do you suggest we revert the timeline? I dunno, I think I have a vague memory of the altered timeline having something to do with... magic words? Let's say random stuff and see if it works. Butterscotch. {pause} Nope, nothin'. Might as well just give up now.
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Post by Honstlar on May 26, 2022 23:40:46 GMT -6
{After some time has passed...} Man, giving up is boring. Let's try reversing that spell again! Okay! Ahem! Jones hamill lucasfilm!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 1, 2022 0:41:34 GMT -6
{Cut to the BODH having a meeting.} And that's why... uh, pants are... sorry, what just happened? It happened to you too? I feel like an entire lifetime's worth of memories just came and went in a flash. Same here. I've got vague memories of... being an android? I mean, I already am an android, of course, so that's not unusual at all. We were about to play Clapping Party, when suddenly... were we in space? Something about that does ring a bell. {typing at his laptop} Prisma One seems to indicate timeline alteration... whatever happened, it's just branched off into its own separate timeline, and ours has been restored to normal.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 1, 2022 0:49:06 GMT -6
Well, we probably won't have to worry about it until we decide to do Empire Strikes Back. Until we decide to do what now? Um... I'm a crazy old man? (Pause.) Ha ha ha! Classic Stom. All: {Riotous laughter.} {Home-Home Winks pops up.} Home-Home Winks: Maclunkey! (END.)
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