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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 9, 2018 13:46:40 GMT -6
Some lady with weird hair asked for the help of some guy named Obi-Stom Kenobi. You know him? {high-pitched voice} Oh! You seek Obi-Stom! Yes, take you to him, I will! {chuckles} But first, eat food, we must! Hmm? {leans over and whispers to Obi-Stom} Psst... wrong "it's me" scene. {whispering} Sorry. I get these movies mixed up sometimes. What are you talking about? Oh, nothing. Obi-Stom is me.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 9, 2018 19:45:23 GMT -6
WHAAAT?! Yeah. And Darth Pretender is your father. WHAAAT?! Yeppers. And Princess E is your sister. WHAAAT?! Yuppy-doo. And Darth Pretender built your gold droid. WHAAAT?! Yessiree. And Darth Pretender owned your other droid. WHAAAT?! Without a doubt. And Darth Pretender was my apprentice. WHAAAT?! Totals. And, uh... what else? {whispering} Excuse me, Obi-Stom... I don't think you're supposed to tell him those things yet. I'm not? Oh man. Uh... hey, Honst, just ignore that. I was making stuff up. I'm a crazy old man. Oh, of course. Nevermind, then. What were you saying? I'm Obi-Stom. I haven't gone by that name in a really long time, though. Back when I trained your father, Emanakin Landwaddler, in the Duplicate Wars. You guys fought in the Duplicate Wars? Yep. I can use the Forth— What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you. I think you have a lisp. Were you saying "Force"? No. You didn't let me finish. I can use the Fourth Wall. The Fourth Wall? Yes. It's the only thing seperating us from other dimensions. The Fourth Wall binds the universe together, and without that barrier between dimensions, we may not even exist. We can harness its power to do cool things, like make stuff float. It's awesome. Sweet. So hey, how did my father die? Whoa, this conversation took a dark turn.
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Post by EDITED Video Greg on Aug 9, 2018 20:20:30 GMT -6
Well, come young scholar. I’ll tell you. Wait I thought you said you didn’t know anything and can’t be trusted? Ah screw it! We’ve got nothing to lose. You see, in 1977-
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 9, 2018 21:05:56 GMT -6
Boring. Let's just go back. {The scene rewinds slightly} Darth Pretender killed your father. There we go.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 17, 2018 20:57:14 GMT -6
Yep. I'd tell you the whole story, but... well, it's a long story. Like an-entire-trilogy-of-movies long. Although really it could just be shortened to one movie, but hey, somebody's gotta make that money. I have no idea what you're talking about. Sorry. Anyway, I trained both your father and Darth Pretender. Then Darth Pretender became a bad guy and betrayed your father, and the rest of the Haddi. Haddi? What's that? A Haddi is a person who can use the Fourth Wall. They're named after Haddi-Man, the most powerful Haddi of all. And speaking of which... Emanakin wanted you to have this. {hands Honst a bright stick} This was his brightsaver. A weapon of the Haddi.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 19, 2018 18:09:56 GMT -6
(Honst starts spinning the stick) Look at me, I'm a helicopter!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 23, 2018 0:01:19 GMT -6
Ha ha! A brightsaver used as a helicopter? Don't be ridiculous. Only TV shows would do something like that. Anyway, show me that message. Blibbity blibbity beep beep.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 28, 2018 20:31:53 GMT -6
(The hologram begins.)
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Sept 1, 2018 17:01:00 GMT -6
Is this thing on? All right. Uh... oh man, I should've rehearsed this. I forgot what I was going to say. Gimme a second. {The hologram shuts off, and goes back on a few seconds later} Hey, Kenobi. I'm Princess E. Remember that time you helped my dad in the Duplicate Wars? Er, that was you, right? Yeah, well, now we need help again. My ship is being attacked by the bad guys. I've placed some viruses— I mean, important information into R2-Dean2 here. I think my dad knows how to get that information out, so you gotta get the robot to my planet, Allthetime. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Stom Kenobi. You're my only hope. {The hologram shuts off}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 4, 2018 18:32:23 GMT -6
That sounds cool. Hey, Honst, I'm headin' to Allthetime. Wanna come with? No, thanks. I promised Uncle 'Omestar and Aunt Marzeru I'd pick up some energy formatters. Naw, it's cool, they've been burninated. You don't have to do that. WHAT?! No, yeah. Your house was burned down by the Tappatroopers. They're just ashes and scorched bones now. How do you know? The Fourth Wall, remember? I know all the stuff that's happening. I don't believe you anyway. I'm going home. {leaves}{Honst gets to his house, where he finds his aunt and uncle's burnt skeletons} Ew. {goes to Stom} Yeah, you're right. So... wanna come with me? Allthetime is a pretty peaceful and nice planet. Sure, whatever. Cool, cool. We're gonna need a ship though.
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 4, 2018 19:32:03 GMT -6
Where are we going to find a spacecraft at this hour? I may have an idea... (Cut to the Mos Eisley spaceport.) Mos Eisley. Home to the most eisliest of smugglers, jugglers, and hugglers. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum, villainy, and crappy phone reception.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 4, 2018 20:22:21 GMT -6
Bippy blop blappy bloop. No, Dean2, it does not sound awesome. It's very dangerous. Blippity. Don't you "whatever" me! Well, guess we'd better go inside. {They start walking in}TAPPATROOPER: Wait. Let me see your identification.
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 4, 2018 20:40:25 GMT -6
You don't need to see my identification. Tappatrooper: Yes, I do. No, you don't. My face is recognizable enough to the point where an ID would just weigh me down. Tappatrooper: Well, I still need your ID. Well, umm..... HEY LOOK, STEVEN SPIELBERG! (The Tappatrooper looks to his left.) Tappatrooper: Where?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 4, 2018 21:30:26 GMT -6
{Honst, Obi-Stom, and the droids start running away} So long, suckers! TAPPATROOPER: Ahj— b—! Wh—?! Hey, you can't do that! TAPPATROOPER 2: Are those the droids we're looking for? {Silence}TAPPATROOPER 1: I don't think he can hear you. TAPPATROOPER 2: Aw man. But... were those the droids? TAPPATROOPER 1: Nah, I doubt it. TAPPATROOPER 2: Cool. {Pause}TAPPATROOPER 2: Think we'll get fired for this? TAPPATROOPER 1: Yep. TAPPATROOPER 2: Wanna flee the planet? TAPPATROOPER 1: Absototalutely. {Cut to Mos Eisley Cantina. The gang walks inside.}
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 10, 2018 1:24:26 GMT -6
Barkeep: HEY, TIN CAN! Yeah? Bloop? Barkeep: We don't serve people who've implanted doorknobs on their coccyx. Why would you mention that? Barkeep: Because I like screwin' with people. Oh.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 10, 2018 15:06:01 GMT -6
{Cut to Gfd and Dooble. Gfd has a vest and hair, and Dooble is covered in brown fur. A green Mr. Dando walks up to them.} {gibberish} You know, pal, I can't understand any of that. You speak Basic? {gibberish} Jeez, Grando, chill down. I'm not bilingual. What language is that, anyway? {gibberish} This is getting really annoying. I'm just gonna shoot you now. {shoots Grando} Raaawr. No, of course I shot first. You saw that, didn't you? Grawwrr. "The video recording says otherwise"? What does that even mean? Argle blargle. {pulls out a camera and shows the scene} No, that was clearly edited! See how they Photoshopped my head moving out of the way there? And that laser bolt must've been added in post. Grarg. Canon? No, it's not. I shot first, fair and square. Raaaaaaaaawr. Agree to disagree, I guess. {throws the barkeep a meatball} Sorry about the mess.
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Post by Honstlar on Nov 10, 2018 16:30:51 GMT -6
{Honst, Obi-Stom, and the droids sit where Grando once was.} You must be Garb Solo. Yup! And this is my partner, Doobacca. Haloche! You can talk?! Defiantly! {Garb looks at the camera} Must be the hair. We heard you have a really good ship. You must be talking of the Pillenium Falcon, the ship that completed a White Kessel slider run in less than G parsecs. The very same. A man of good taste, I see. What's your price?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 11, 2018 13:40:30 GMT -6
Oh, I was thinking something around 4 to 5 zillion cheeseburgers, or perhaps a few lifetimes' worth of virtual meatloaf. Gasp and more gasp! That's prepostorous! We could buy our own ship for that much virtual meatloaf! Nah, don't worry about it. I've got enough. Being a Haddi gets you a great salary. Of virtual meatloaf? Precisely. {hands Garb a flash drive} 50 GB worth of meatloaf, right there. You got yourselves a ship. Come on, Dooby. Absolute! {They get up and walk out} Is "virtual meatloaf" going to be the new sentient donut glaze? {taking a bite out of the flash drive} I sure hope not!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 25, 2018 20:55:33 GMT -6
{They get to the Pillenium Falcon, a spaceship resembling the Pillmobile} What a bunch of medication! She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. And by that I mean, it's got 43 years' supply of petrified cheeseballs. Well, I suppose we'd best get to Allthetime.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Dec 18, 2018 18:42:23 GMT -6
{Cut to Princess E on board the Death Pom, with Darth Pretender and Strong Moff Badkin} Oh, well if it isn't Princess Earmuff. You wanna tell us where the rebel base is? I mean, that would really help us out. I would never. You serious? 'Cause we're gonna blow up Allthetime if you don't tell us. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be all fiery and dooj, splooj, chunks of planet floating through space amidst exploding rubble and ash. Oh man, I totally wanna see that. So you'd better fess up, E. You can blow up planets? Oh, yeah. That's, like, the whole thing about the Death Pom, man! So tell us where that base is, and your planet stays as one planet instead of millions. Whoa, imagine if the explosion actually burst the planet into a bunch of mini-planets? Like bacteria splitting up in one of those germ dishes? I'm not sure if that would make it more or less cool. Probably more cool. Is there a time limit? Like, if I don't tell you where the base is, when will you explode Allthetime? 'M not sure, actually. I didn't really think this through. Maybe a minute? Two minutes, at most. Wait, anybody? Hey Jeffrey, you got one of those little egg timers? TAPPATROOPER: I'm not Jeffrey, and yes, I do. That's great, Jeffrey. Can you set it to, like, a minute? No, a minute and a half. And when it goes off, explode this planet over here. TAPPATROOPER: {click} All right. Counting down. I'm not telling you anything. You sure about that, princess? 'Cause you have... wait Jeffrey, how much time is left? TAPPATROOPER: A minute and nineteen seconds. A minute and nineteen seconds. So you'd— TAPPATROOPER: Wait, now thirteen. Just shut up about the minutes already! Geez, Jeffrey never shuts his robo-mouth. Always with the seconds.
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Post by Zascub on Jan 12, 2019 11:25:56 GMT -6
Seriously, where's the rebel base? I'm still not telling you. Ugh! You know what, this is taking forever! Jeffrey, Set it to like 20 seconds! TAPPATROOPER: Set to 20 seconds. I'll ask you one more time before I splo your planet up, WHERE THE CRAP IS YOUR REBEL BASE!?!? Dantooink. Yeah, that's not a planet. You just took Tattooink, and put "Dan" in there. TAPPATROOPER: No, actually, that is a planet. What kind of stupid name is that? Yeah, I'm just gonna blow it up anyways. What?! {Tappatroopers do the setup stuff} {Vector squares shoot out of the Death Pom, blowing up Allthetime} DEATH POM: YOUR PLANET ASPLODE
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jan 12, 2019 17:14:40 GMT -6
Aww man. I liked that planet. {Cut to Honst, Obi-Stom, Garb, Doobie, and the droids on the Pillenium Falcon} I sense a disturbance in the Fourth Wall. As if millions of voices, all from Matt Chapman, cried out and were suddenly asploded. Hey, where did Allthetime go? Maybe this is where are all the asploded voices are from. Someone blew up the whole planet. That's not so good. An entire planet?! How is that even possible? Wait... I think I remember reading something about that somewhere. Where did you read it? Let's see... {picks up a remote and rewinds to the opening crawl}{Fast forward back to the scene} The Death Pom?! That must've been what princess lady was talking about in the hologram! {They start approaching the Death Pom} We're headed for that small moon! That's no moon! It's a space station! Too big for a stace spation. It must be the Death Pom. {The Old-Timey Moon's face appears on the Death Pom} No wait, nevermind. Definitely a moon. {The Moon opens his mouth and starts inhaling the ship} It's sucking us in! That's not something a moon does! This is the Death Pom! My feeling about this can be consisely summed up as... bad. {The ship is swallowed and the moon face disappears}
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Post by Zascub on Mar 17, 2019 12:53:55 GMT -6
{Many Tappatroopers and a robot Cloitsterizer go down a hallway. They arrive in the docking bay. Darth Pretender is there.}TAPPATROOPER: {Informing Darth Pretender} We checked, and there's no one on board. Are you sure? TAPPATROOPER: Yes. We didn't see anybody. I don't believe you. Get some people to scan it. I know someone is on that ship, I can sense a presence I haven't felt since... TAPPATROOPER: Since what? Why should you know? {Runs off}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Mar 17, 2019 16:32:18 GMT -6
{Cut to the interior of the Pillenium Falcon. Some Tappatroopers walk by. Everyone rises out of the floor panels.} I use these secret compartments for smuggling cheeses and occasionally baked goods across the universe. Never thought I'd be one of those cheeses and baked goods. TAPPATROOPER: Who said that? Oh, I did. {shoots the troopers} Great job, Garb! This part of the plan involved dressing up as Tappatroopers and going around the Death Pom in disguise, but... they don't really have uniforms. They're just weird robots. I have some arts-and-crafts supplies down here! I can make us some 'stumes! {Cut to the exterior. They walk out, wearing terrible paper Tappatrooper costumes. Doobacca is in handcuffs.} Greetings, fellow Tappatrooper. Sure is great to be doing whatever evil stuff we usually do! Because I, too, am a Tappatrooper. TAPPATROOPER: Yes, I can see that.
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Post by Zascub on Apr 19, 2019 14:18:15 GMT -6
{Cut to a control deck}TAPPATROOPER: TT-278, why are you not at your post? TT-278, do you copy? {Looks out a window, and sees Garb. He accidentally drops part of the costume.} Take over, TT-278 needs repairs. {The door opens} I don't like your spice! {Doobacca attacks the Tappatrooper. Garb shoots the other one. Honst runs in and shuts the door.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 24, 2019 16:47:09 GMT -6
Now, which cell is this princess in? Ah, 2187! I bet that's not a number that will coincidentally end up having any significance thirty years later. That's oddly specific. {turns on communication} Hi! Everything's fine, in case you were wondering. No, I'm not just a guy in a Tappatrooper costume. That should be obvious. INTERCOM VOICE: What happened? Oh, just a weapons malfunction. Some weird gorilla-dog-man-thing just, like, shot some troopers. INTERCOM VOICE: That sounds awful. We're sending reinforcements. REINFORCEMENTS: {shows up} Hey guys. {shoots Reinforcements} No, no, no, it's fine. The creature is under control. INTERCOM VOICE: What about the Tappatroopers? They, uh, they came back to life, so it's fine. INTERCOM VOICE: We have a zombie infestation? We're going to need a lot of reinforcements! MULTIPLE REINFORCEMENTS: {shows up} Hey guys. {shoots all the Reinforcements} No, they— they're friendly zombies. Like, they don't eat brains. Just salads. INTERCOM VOICE: Well, in that case, we'll need reinforcements to give them salad. No, it's fine. We have enough salad right here. INTERCOM VOICE: Hold on... this thing says all the reinforcements I sent are dead. What happened? Oh, uh, they had salad, and the zombies took it. INTERCOM VOICE: These salad zombies sound dangerous. We'll need a whole army of reinforcements. No, no, no, no! No. Like, no. No! No— wait, yeah, no. Yes. I mean, no. Just salad. Just send the salad. {thinks} On second thought, they like cheeseburgers now. Send as many cheeseburgers as possible. Extra bacon, two slices of cement, some oxygen, and a live cockroach on the side. INTERCOM VOICE: Oh. How do you know they like these burgers? Oh, I've been talking to them. They're pretty nice. They like, uh, knitting. And listening to music. INTERCOM VOICE: What kind of music? Oh, y'know. Jazz. Whatnot. They have good tastes. Garb! What are you doing?! We need to get the princess! INTERCOM VOICE: Who was that voice? I'm starting to suspect you're not a Tappatrooper after all. {hangs up} Oh no. We're going to get reinforcements. {A whole army of Reinforcements shows up}ALL REINFORCEMENTS: HEY GUYS.
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Post by Honstlar on Apr 25, 2019 16:03:27 GMT -6
Why are there so many of one guy?! THIS ISN'T LOGICAL!! Calm down, Goldm'n, you don't wanna blow a... CPU or whatever it is that blows.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 25, 2019 18:06:44 GMT -6
{Cut to Princess E's cell. Honst walks in.} Aren't you a bit midget-like for a Tappatrooper? What? Oh, the unif— And you have way too many tapes and staples about you. No, no, it's just a disg— And your voice is, like, super annoying. All right, that's enou— And you smell bad. STOP! {takes off the costume} I'm Honst Landwaddler. I'm here to rescue you. Obese Tom sent me. I mean, Ben Kenobi. Ben Kenobi? You mean Obi-Stom? Er, yeah, him. Well, let's go!
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Post by EDITED Video Greg on Apr 27, 2019 10:20:59 GMT -6
(We cut to a meeting that Darth Pretender has organized with the Tappatroopers and Papatindo about the stolen goods.)
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Post by Zascub on May 4, 2019 12:16:04 GMT -6
(We cut to a meeting that Darth Pretender has organized with the Tappatroopers and Papatindo about the stolen goods.) (No, I think its Darth Pretender and Strong Moff Badkin)
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