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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 8, 2019 15:22:44 GMT -6
Come on, Sharpie! You're a ghost now! Do, like, spooky ghost things to get him out of here! SHARPDENE: Ooh! I know! {The lights start flickering.} Whoa! Electrical disturbances. There's definitely a powerful spirit present. Hey, is that me? Am I the spirit of giving? SHARPDENE: It's me, you metaphysical-brain! I'm tryin'-a scare y'alls into leaving! Nah. This stuff's just gonna give me a ghost seizure. Flapjacks? SHARPDENE: Don't mind if I do. Hey! Whose side are you on?! SHARPDENE: Whichever side has more delicious delights. {steals the pancakes} Well, now that's me. Come on, let's think of a plan. {They walk off. Cut to the basement, where Strong Bad and Sharpdene are lying around, pancakes strewn across the room.} Most of the time I just kick him in the shins and/or the throat until he leaves, but he's not tangible anymore. SHARPDENE: If we can't force 'im out, we gotta make 'im leave of his own accord. Yeah. He has to want to leave. But how do we do that? SHARPDENE: Ob'm know. What's some stuff he hates? Practically nothing. He's the most annoyingly optimistic guy I've ever met ever.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 9, 2019 18:51:13 GMT -6
Always barging into my house with a dopey grin on his face, eager to tell me how much he'd enjoy being waterboarded, seemingly intentionally ignoring the meaning of that word, and practically begging me to gag him with a spoon! But hey, at least his smiles are genuine, unlike that freak they keep putting on bags of marshmello- THAT'S IT! Why didn't I think of this before, I'll summon Marshie the Unholy One! That's what all the hip 18-24-year-old demographics are callin' him.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 9, 2019 20:47:36 GMT -6
{Cut to Strong Bad and Sharpdene in a dark room surrounded by spooky books and candles.} You sure this will work? SHARPDENE: Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is how you summon a marshmallow. So... now what? SHARPDENE: Open the books 'n do some chanting or some'n. A'ight. {Strong Bad opens a book} Chant'm garble gramble mumble. Mumble chant. Whatever. SHARPDENE: That is horrible chanting. I don't care. It's still chanting. So, what I do now? SHARPDENE: Now, we must perform a sacrifice. {gives Strong Bad a marshmallow} Destroy this here marshmallow. Sure, I guess. {eats it}{The lights start flickering.} Ooh! I think something's happening! SHARPDENE: We did it! We've summoned the Marshie! {Long pause.}SHARPDENE: Oh, wait, sorry. That was just me. Ugh. Quit it with the flashy lights. What are you, in another dimension or something? Jeez. SHARPDENE: I guess our summonin' didn't work. That's a shame. I thought maybe summoning Marshie would also give us some of his foodstuffs. Like, you know, {singing} When it's done, it's tons of fun, J-E-L a-Ton! MARSHIE: {appears out of nowhere} DON'T SING MY SONG!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Oct 14, 2019 18:21:45 GMT -6
SHARPDENE: Oh. That's how you summon a marshmallow. MARSHIE: YOU DON'T HAVE THE LEGAL RIGHTS TO SING MY SONG! I'LL SUE YOU! I'LL SUE YOU INTO NEXT WEEK! Yeah, sure. Listen, I've got a really annoying ghost roaming around my house. Almost as annoying as you. Think you could scare him off?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 12, 2019 18:06:00 GMT -6
MARSHIE: No way! Marshie don't do favors for free. What do you think I am, the mascot of a non-profit organization? Fluffy Puff Marshmallows is a very-profit organization! So, you want us to pay you to get rid of the ghost? MARSHIE: That's right! I guess I might be able to scrounge up a little something from between the couch cushions. How much we talking? MARSHIE: Nine thousand grand. Nine thous... wait, can you repeat that? How much is that? SHARPDENE: More than eight thousand grand, that's for sure. WHAT? I barely have enough money to buy a thousand grand, let alone nine! Sharpdene, how much you got? SHARPDENE: I'm a coat rack. Coat racks ain't got wallets. C'mon, Sharpie. Cough it up. SHARPDENE: All right, fine. I'm actually quite popular in certain ghost circles. What with my daddy met Steven Seagal an' all 'at. I could pay, dunno, three million? Dollars? SHARPDENE: Cents. Well, this is less than optimal. How are we ever gonna get rid of Homestar now? MARSHIE: Wait. Homestar? That's... what I said. MARSHIE: I hate that little brat! Ever since I took his job, he's tried to take it back! This will be my revenge! Forget the grands. I'll do this for free! {Marshie floats out of the room, then comes back.}MARSHIE: On second thought, I'm not that generous. Two dollars sound good? That'll do. {Cut to Homestar passing through the walls of the house.} Oh boy! I've always wanted to ghost through solid walls! Now I can enter a room without touching a single doorknob! Goodbye, doorknob! Spare me the pleasantries! I don't need you no more! {Marshie floats up to him.}MARSHIE: Hey, friend! Try yourself a fancy bag of all-new Fluffy Puff Witches' Brew Malloweens! Made using 100% authentic eye of newt! No artificial flavors or colors! Well, except purple. There is some artificial purple in there, I will admit. Oh joy. It's that float-'em-up marshalade. {whispering from the distance} You might need to up the creep factor severalfold. Homestar isn't fazed by corporate promotion. MARSHIE: {deep, echoing voice} I will devour your soul. I can't say I blame ya. I bet my soul tastes just like them ol' marshalades. I should go to the doctor and have that checked out. Does my soul taste like marshalades? Or perhaps the tangy citrus zest of a Bronco Trolley left out in the morning dew? Oh man, did you hear that? Did you just hear that just now? I oughta be a poet!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 29, 2019 22:00:46 GMT -6
Come on, man! Creepier! Can't you, like, change your form or something? MARSHIE: I can sure try, mister man! Errrrnnnggh... {morphs into a giant eldritch abomination; in an echoing, disembodied voice} LEAVE THIS HOUSE OR I WILL DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. Nah. I like it here. MARSHIE: I WILL TRAP YOUR CONSIOUSNESS IN THE DEPTHS OF THE UNDERWORLD FOR ALL ETERNITY SHOULD YOU NOT FLEE FROM HERE. Ooh, sounds fun! I love eternity! MARSHIE: FEAR ME!! FOLLOW MY COMMANDS, OR THIS REALITY SHALL BE BURNED TO CINDERS AND CAST INTO THE VAST EMPTINESS OF SPACETIME! Neat! What else can you do? This is not working. Can you change into something even freakier? MARSHIE: Well, I do have one more trick up my... uh, head? Just... look away for a moment. You don't want to see this. RRRGGGHHH... {grows a body and morphs into...} Heya, my bestest boyfriend! It's your ol' galpartner, Marshiepan! Wanna get a bite to eat? Dinner and a movie sounds about nice! Vegan-style, of course, 'cause my name's Marshiepan! Save the whales! Will you save the whales with me, my dearest Homestar? Won't ya help out your girl? THE SHOCK AND THE HORROR!!
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Post by Honstlar on Dec 2, 2019 14:14:58 GMT -6
{Homestar flees and phases through the front door, sliming the door with red goop.} {sniff} Anyone else smell watermelon?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Dec 2, 2019 17:33:30 GMT -6
Ooh! Ectoplasmic residue! It isn't orange like I thought it'd be, but— You shut your corporeal mouth and clean that gusher goop off my door. {Cut to a storybook-style field at night, where The Homestar Runner's ghost floats across the screen in fear.} {voiceover} And so, having faced thirty-two horrors in one (not in the Spooky Woods, but close enough), the Homestar Runner once again regained his corporeal form. {The Homestar Runner turns into his usual self.}THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hooway! Now I can finally eat those flapjacks! {runs offscreen}{The book closes.} {voiceover} Tune in next week, when we'll be a-reading... {Cut to a storybook cover.} {storybook} "The Strong Mad Deals With His Inner Demons After His Conviction of Brutally Murdering The Homestar Runner and His Subsequent Life Sentence". {Cut to another storybook cover.} Or perhaps "The Torrid and Tragic Tale of Marshie and Sharpdene, and The Forbidden Love That Was Not Meant to Be". See you next time, kids!
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Post by Honstlar on Dec 2, 2019 17:48:35 GMT -6
{Screen slowly fades to black} Wait a minute, I've still got two more stories to tell. STOP THE FADING! {Screen fades back.} Now where was I? Oh yeah, Chapter 2. {Grindolo opens the book, revealing the title of the next tale.} Here's a little tale of terror I like to call, Kosmik Kommunists from Outer Space. {Fade to a black-and-white scene in space with Earth below (the United States is visible in the middle of the ocean) where white text is typed out.} Text: Earth, 1947
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Dec 2, 2019 22:14:20 GMT -6
{Cut to an old-timey government facility, where scientists preparing for something.} TECH GUY: The craft has entered the atmosphere. I repeat, the craft has entered the atmosphere. MILITARY GUY: Ready the pistols, missiles, and atomic bombs. We must find out if the extraterrestrial lifeform is benevolent. ASSISTANT: Sir, your speech is ready. If you need more time to rehearse, we may attempt to delay first contact... GOVERNOR: That won't be necessary, Jimnelius. TECH GUY: Sir, we've determined the craft's expected destination. Our top men are currently putting up a tarp to protect our discovery from the unsuspecting populace. {An alarm sounds.} TECH GUY: Sir. They have arrived.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Dec 23, 2019 0:03:33 GMT -6
Do you have anything planned for this one?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 1, 2020 12:42:26 GMT -6
What is the second story supposed to be? I'm not sure how to continue.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 1, 2020 23:41:30 GMT -6
It’s supposed to be an alien invasion story, but all the aliens are Rumble Red.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 2, 2020 20:42:45 GMT -6
{A flying saucer flies down to the Earth's surface. The scientists all gather around. The saucer lands and the door opens, revealing a bunch of steam or maybe fog. An alien resembling Rumble Red walks out.} ALIEN: Mm, we don't have Earthlings on our planet, rumbley-dumble. GOVERNOR: Salutations, extraterrestrial lifeform. Welcome to our humble abode. We call it Earth. What are your intentions for coming here? ALIEN: This is a in-rumble-vasion. {Dozens of aliens march out of the spaceship, mumbling "rumble" repeatedly.} MILITARY GUY: Fire the torpedoes! TECH GUY: Torpedoes only work underwater. MILITARY GUY: Oh. Well, in that case... retreat! {Cut to The Homestar Runner, Marzipan, and Fat Dudley in the Factory/Circus District.} OLD-TIMEY MARZIPAN: Let's buy a spoon. {Pause. The scene jumps slightly.} OLD-TIMEY MARZIPAN: Let's buy a spoon. THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now now, Marzipan. You know we can't afford that kind of cash dubloons. FAT DUDLEY: {musical noises} THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a mighty fine idea, Chubby Duds. We should garnish our wages. OLD-TIMEY MARZIPAN: Let's buy a spoon. {The scene jumps to the three at the Depot.} THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: We'd like to apply for an occupation. OLD-TIMEY BUBS: I'll pay you three half-cents to deliver me a batch of wilted vegetables by sundown. THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Will do, Mr. Bubs. {An alien walks in.} ALIEN: Hellooo-rumble. THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Rumble Red? Why, I thought I oughta had done offed your Rumble head. ALIEN: Oh, you did. We have rumble-come to avenge him. OLD-TIMEY MARZIPAN: Let's buy— THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahh. What unfortune.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 11, 2020 22:49:52 GMT -6
ALIEN: Come to our spaceship so we can abduct you and perform unethical experiments. THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sure thing. {The Homestar Runner, Old-Timey Marzipan, and Fat Dudley walk offscreen with one of the aliens.} ALIEN: Pardon my intrusion, shopkeeper. Would you happen to carry eyes of great Flontha'ark beast, rumble? OLD-TIMEY BUBS: Sorry. Wilted vegetables only. ALIEN: Well, I'd hardly qualify that as sustenance. This simply won't do. {shoots Bubs with a laser gun} This is great. I've always wanted to own a rumble-depot. {Cut to Old-Timey Strong Bad looking through his telescope.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Opportunity knocks at our figurative doorframe, my less-than-dapper accomplices! A sizable faction of extraterrestrial invaders appear to taking up residence on this planet of ours! STRONG MAN: {questioning growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: It means we can strike a most beneficial deal with these two-and-one-eyed hooligans! We shall make a profit off the selling of the Earth! STRONG MAN: {growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Most profane and vulgar curses, you're right! I have to take over the world before I can sell it. Get your world-dominating slacks on, my lackluster lackeys, it's time to show the two-some-odd million folks on planet Earth who's bossm'n! STRONG MAN: {questioning growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Us, you daft doltbag! And then the extraterrestrial freaks, after they bestow upon us a decently-sized wealth of gold-plated moolah in exchange for ownership of this decently-sized space rock.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 18, 2021 17:50:17 GMT -6
{Cut to the Kaiser's castle. Old-Timey Strong Bad enters with a pistol.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Take your hands and place them at a distance of several feet in the air! This here's a heist, see? THE KAISER: Was stehlen Sie? {subtitled: What are you stealing?} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: The planet! {The Sneak wiggles his nose.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: That's right, The Sneak. The planet, a wealth of riches, and butterscotch pie! STRONG MAN: {growls threateningly}
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Post by Honstlar on May 26, 2022 21:06:12 GMT -6
OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Now just stand right there! I can't steal a planet unless I put it in a bag. And I can't put it in a bag unless I own a bag. And I can't own a bag unless I go find a bag!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 26, 2022 23:21:46 GMT -6
STRONG MAN: {growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Swellest of ideas, Strong Man! We'll negotiate a deal with those otherworldly abominations — a sack of finest burlap for us in exchange for the planet, which we will bestow unto them for a cost of ninety-three and seven half-pennies, and with our bounty of riches we will... I haven't thought that far ahead, but it's a pretty good plan so far! Let us away, my henchfellows!
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Post by Honstlar on May 26, 2022 23:28:13 GMT -6
{OTSB walks out, twirling his mustache along the way.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 1, 2022 0:24:52 GMT -6
{They approach an alien.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Ho there, extraterrestrial terror! Would you be interested in acquiring this fine planet from myself and my earthly cohorts? ALIEN: This is a satisfactory arrangement, er-rumble. Offer us your world and we will provide you with a sufficient value of dough. OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: You drive a hard and rather agreeable bargain, my horn-eared acquaintance! But we're getting ahead of ourselves, I'm afraid — we must first acquire a literal bag with which to deliver this planet to your figurative doorstep! Would you by any chance happen to have one in your possession which you would be willing to exchange for this here terrestrial territory?
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 1, 2022 0:29:11 GMT -6
Alien: That's funny, we don't have these "bag" things on our planet. Eh, rumble-blumble.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 11, 2022 21:59:57 GMT -6
OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Ah, of course. Does anyone know here how to describe what a bag looks like? {Strong Man growls and provides a Delicious "Bag".} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Yes, we'll need one such as this, preferrably of planet size, and decidedly less delicious! ALIEN: Ah, so a bag is a container one might use to store goods and keepsakes, mmm-brumble? We do have something of the sort on our planet. {A long bug-fish creature scurries onscreen, with a large, gaping, drooling mouth and sharp teeth.} ALIEN: I rumble-keep all my planetary confections in this great Flontha'ark beast, er-rumdumble. Just be careful it doesn't bite your arm when you retrieve a loaf of brioche from its gullet!
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 4, 2022 22:13:47 GMT -6
OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: {nervously} Mmmm... gulp!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 13, 2022 0:01:48 GMT -6
STRONG MAN: {growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: You're right, Strong Man, this is a lucrative arrangement. We'll take one beast-bag, in exchange for one planet, in exchange for a figurative wealth of most literal wealth! ALIEN: He's yours, rrrr—ahem—umble. Treat Xysk Frilkwkz nicely now, he gets a tad murderous if he goes a solar cycle without his cosmic dental treats.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 1, 2022 21:16:56 GMT -6
{Cut to Old-Timey Strong Bad with the bag creature.}OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Now that we've acquired a bag, the next step is to put the Earth in it! STRONG MAN: {questioning growls}OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: I suppose we just ask it. I say, horrifying bug-fish-beast, will you hold the planet within your expansive jaws? {Cut to the Earth. A set of long, sharp teeth reach around the planet, shattering it into pieces. Cut back to Grindolo in the present day.} {closes the book} And then everyone died. The end.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 2, 2022 2:01:49 GMT -6
{reopens the book} Wait, that's not what happened.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2022 1:21:19 GMT -6
{reads for a moment} Ah, yes. Everyone except me died. That's much better.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 4, 2022 14:39:27 GMT -6
(Offscreen, whispering) Boss, you can't end the story yet! Why can't I? Because the network said each story has to be of equal length! AGH, CURSE THOSE INFERNAL EXECUTIVES! Okay, so here's what actually happened... {Fade back to Old-Timey Strong Bad with the bag creature.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Now that we've acquired a bag, the next step is to put the Earth in it! STRONG MAN: {questioning growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: I suppose we just ask it. I say, horrifying bug-fish-beast, will you hold the planet within your expansive jaws? {The creature swallows Old-Timey Strong Bad whole.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: I'll take that as a maybe.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 9, 2022 0:11:13 GMT -6
{The creature chews for a bit, then spits Old-Timey Strong Bad out, partly decomposed.} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Avast, I require brains for sustenance! STRONG MAN: {shrugs and growls} OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: You may not have much of a brain, but I'll work with what I've got. {bites Strong Man}
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Post by Honstlar on Sept 2, 2022 13:39:42 GMT -6
STRONG MAN: {Confused growls}
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