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Post by Honstlar on Aug 3, 2018 15:45:35 GMT -6
This episode is dedicated to any forum user who was affected by the migration from ZetaBoards to Tapatalk.
(We open on a shot of the Pill-Mobile in the shape of a pickup truck driving towards the sunset.) Honstlar: (off-screen) Now, normally you would see this kind of scene at the end of something, but in this case, you're seeing this at the beginning. (Cut to a shot of Honstlar wearing a trucker cap version of his helmet driving the Pill Truck.) Honstlar: This is the story of the worse day of my life. About how I lost my friends to a mindless army. And about the evilest... THING I ever faced. Worse than The Pretender, more annoying then the Cleanser Geek, even Grindolo seems like a nice guy compared to... TAPPATOK. (Lightning strikes.)
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 3, 2018 23:29:32 GMT -6
Hey, this is my first post ever! What a momentous occasion. This deserves waffles! {Cut to the Pillquarters Metallix} And that's how I defeated nine evil goats with nothing but a crowbar, some moist towlettes, and a half-eaten shoe. What a momentous occasion. That deserves waffles! Waffles all around! ALL: HOORAY!
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 4, 2018 11:05:55 GMT -6
Brother MX, give me those sweet, sweet, minutes!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2018 14:59:46 GMT -6
2:03 AM - Meeting officially started. 11:27 AM - Members begin to arrive. 11:30 - Pre-meeting waffles. 12:00 - Post-pre-meeting-waffles waffles. 12:13 - Gfd arrives. 12:21 - Frothy, shanty chant. 12:30 - Mid-meeting waffles. 12:49 - Voting begins. Results inconclusive. 1:00 - Post-mid-meeting-waffles waffles. 1:06 - Fund misappropriation. 1:29 - Weekly power play. 1:30 - Weekly power play interrupted by waffles. 1:59 - Weekly power play continues. 2:00 - Weekly power play interrupted by waffles again. 2:14 - Power play ends. 2:30 - Royal Secretarian decides to stop writing every time Stom gives out waffles. 2:47 - Art trades and story writings abound. 3:39 - Snacks (including waffles). 4:01 - Royal Secretarian leaves the meeting to finish programming my projects. 7:49 - Royal Secretarian returns, and a bunch of other stuff probably happened. 8:21 - Honstlar tells story about goats.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 4, 2018 15:06:30 GMT -6
Excellent! Now, let's take a moment to talk about the forum! You mean that thing we stole from those dead guys? The very same!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2018 15:46:01 GMT -6
It's nice! It's great! It looks like the Pillquarters... it has a bunch of emoticons of us... it has a cool helmet icon... there's a nice Shoutbox for to shout in...
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 4, 2018 16:47:22 GMT -6
(Honstlar pulls out a box and puts his head in it.) EGGS!!!! (He pulls his head out of the box.) That's super neat!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 4, 2018 18:14:57 GMT -6
Yeah, I know, right? Anyone else have any comments on our fine fine forum?
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 15:37:49 GMT -6
I've got a couple. Then indulge, Brother Stom.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 15:41:50 GMT -6
It's a wonderful, beautiful thing. If it were to ever be taken away from us... that would simply be terrible. That seems kind of random and specific. Why would our forum be taken away? Oh, I dunno. It just popped into my head and sounded cool. Now it's time to post some posts!
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 15:48:09 GMT -6
I- (Gfd is replaced by a white silhouette of him with text reading "Please wait, migration in progress.") You what? Can someone try and tell me what just happened? Greg? (Cut to a similar silhouette of Greg) Stom?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 15:56:37 GMT -6
{Everyone turns into a white silhouette, one by one, leaving Honstlar as the last one} I gotta get outta here before I get silhouettified! {Honstlar runs outside as the Pillquarters blows up, knocking Honstlar away. Cut to black, as a high-pitched ringing noise plays.}
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 16:14:20 GMT -6
(Thinking to himself) What the Hellman's mayo is that ringing doing in my ears?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 17:57:47 GMT -6
{Honstlar gets up and looks at the Pillquarters. It is now a giant white block labelled "Tappatok".} {yelling to the sky} TAPPATOOOK!! {Thunder sounds are heard}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 19:45:46 GMT -6
{Honstlar rushes inside to find everything is white and blocky, with "Tappatok" written on all surfaces. The BODH are still migrating.}
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 19:47:07 GMT -6
What. The. C-
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 19:51:32 GMT -6
{Gfd stops migrating and has turned back into himself, but completely white with a red robotic face} Welcome to Tappatok, Honstlar Waddler. —RAP!!
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 19:55:55 GMT -6
(Pause.) ...Is Tappatok? I mean I screamed the name earlier, but I do that all the time. (Another pause.) What happened? Where's the cutaway to me screaming out words in a comical fashion?!?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 20:10:39 GMT -6
We were too lazy to compile the sources for a proper montage. The real Gfd wouldn't use words like that. Who are you, you impostor?! We told you. We are Tappatok. You will be assimilated, Honstlar Waddler.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 5, 2018 20:14:16 GMT -6
Oh no you don't, you won't go all Borg on my butt!!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 5, 2018 22:41:53 GMT -6
You will submit to Tappatok. Join us. We will rule over a new, perfect universe. Oh man, even Dooble?! He would never talk that way!! What's happened? What's Tappatok?!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 6, 2018 16:02:21 GMT -6
If you refuse to join Tappatok in our quest for a perfect world, you will be destroyed. That's better than being a mindless robot. Come. We will take you to Tappatok Headquarters, where you will learn the true greatness of our cause. {Gfd kicks Honstlar and knocks him unconsious. Cut to black, as a ringing noise plays.} {echoey voiceover} Why does this keep happening? {Honstlar opens his eyes, revealing he is now in the Tappatok Headquarters. It looks nearly identical to the Tappatok Pillquarters, except bigger, and Tappatok robots are all around him, walking around and working. The robots look like white speech bubbles with a red robot face.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 8, 2018 0:11:15 GMT -6
Greetings, #2819. We have brought the one who calls himself "Honstlar". He does not agree with our mission. TAPPATOK #2819: Unfortunate. Give us 2.67 hours, and we will have him for sure. {to Honstlar} Welcome, humanoid, to Tappatok Headquarters. This is the central area for all Tappatok workers, helping to create a better universe for you living beings. A better universe?! You mean universe where everyone's a robot zombie ghost slave? And everything's blank and bland? TAPPATOK #2819: Clearly you misunderstand our intentions, non-migrated lifeform. Come, and let us take you on a tour, explaining what Tappatok is all about.
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 8, 2018 0:23:36 GMT -6
(The floor starts moving like a conveyer belt.) Can't I at least get a turkey leg before I have to ride Carousel of Progress?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 8, 2018 0:38:11 GMT -6
TAPPATOK #3739: Tappatok runs on electricity. We do not need nor have your humanoid food. I, for one, am in no need of eating, for I have all the energy I need to serve Tappatok. Wow. It's like I don't even know you anymore. {The belt stops in front of a large screen}TAPPATOK #2819: This informational datatape should tell you everything you need to know.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 8, 2018 21:25:20 GMT -6
{A film plays on the screen. Cut to Tappatok Headquarters.}NARRATOR: Tappatok. The greatest thing to ever happen in our lives. {cut to the inside of the headquarters} What is Tappatok? We're a group of androids with one collective mind, dedicated to saving the universe. {offscreen} Pfft. "Saving the universe." {Cut to The Field}NARRATOR: The universe, as we know it, is dirty and complex. {The Field is turned white and blocky} Our goal is to turn the world into a bright, simple utopia, where all beings think collectively, and we all serve Tappatok in their wonderous mission.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 17, 2018 21:35:40 GMT -6
That doesn't sound like a utopia. It looks bland and boring. NARRATOR: Tappatok was started about six years ago, and since then, we've perfected the countries of Prance and Dortugal. We are currently in the process of improving the United States, starting with Free Country. {Cut to a factory conveyor belt, where Tappatok robots are being assembled}NARRATOR: Each Tappatok robot is built by other robots, to prevent any mistakes. They are perfectly content. They have no negative emotions, and no personality flaws whatsoever. Or more accurately, no emotions, and no personality whatsoever. NARRATOR: They are all programmed to know the greatness of Tappatok, and to help it with its mission, no matter the cost. Any Tappatok robot would do anything to help Tappatok. Geez, you guys brainwash your robots? NARRATOR: But don't worry, they're perfectly harmless. All they want to do is spread peace and happiness across the globe. They mean no harm to anyone, unless you disagree with their mission, in which case you will be assimilated or destroyed. "Harmless", cough, cough. Yeah, like taking over the entire universe and turning everyone into mindless robo-slaves is harmless. {Cut to the exterior of Tappatok Headquarters}NARRATOR: Tappatok uses the most advanced technology available. We harness this technology to spread our own perfect appearance— {The Field around the Headquarters begins to turn white and blocky}NARRATOR: —and let everyone know the wonders of Tappatok. {Cut to a character being migrated, and turning into Tappatok} Translation: "We spread uncolored blankness, and brainwash everyone." {Cut to a world of Tappatok}NARRATOR: When Tappatok has completed its mission, the universe will be a collectively-thinking, simple, perfect universe, with no flaws in any way. The universe's population will be one organism, thinking together. Everyone will agree on every topic, never have any bad ideas, and help to make the universe a better place for the rest of eternity. Don't you want to join Tappatok and save the world? And if not... {Cut to the dog's head}NARRATOR: Why come? {The screen turns off}
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Post by Honstlar on Aug 19, 2018 18:17:17 GMT -6
You sick crap for heads! How DARE you tarnish the good face of that dog you see in those info films!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 23, 2018 0:06:04 GMT -6
TAPPATOK #3739: We have migrated the dog as well. {The dog walks onscreen, turned white with a red robot face}DOG: We all must serve Tappatok. We must achieve perfection in the universe. Nooo!! Poudog! That's your name, right? Poudog? DOG: I have no need for a name. I am Tappatok. We are all Tappatok.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Aug 23, 2018 13:49:44 GMT -6
TAPPATOK #2819: You still do not agree with our directive, I see, Honstlar Waddler. Well then, I'd invite you to take a step outside. Yes. Thank you. Finally I can leave this place. {Honstlar walks to the door, opens it, and steps outside... to reveal the Field is white and blocky, with "Tappatok" written everywhere, and all the characters turned into Tappatok robots} {teary-eyed; quietly} I can't leave this place. TAPPATOK #3184: Do you like it? No dirt, no crime, no disagreements, no starvation, no death. Just Tappatok. Everything and everyone is Tappatok. Is it not perfect, Honstlar Waddler? You... you MONSTERS!! You've turned the Field into a... a sick abomination! TAPPATOK #7952: No, not the Field. While you were distracted in our Headquarters, we've perfected the entirety of Earth. TAPPATOK #2819: Now Earth is Tappatok, just like you will soon be, along with every other planet in the universe.
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