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Post by Honstlar on May 19, 2020 20:02:18 GMT -6
In what's sure to be the greatest cop-out backdoor pilot episode of the season, Honstlar and the gang present some of Free Country's many TV shows and such. (We open in Strong Bad's basement where we see that the TV is missing and a note has been placed on the couch. Strong Bad walks in) And I pretend that it's made of money- Huh? What the- (Cut to where the TV used to be) Where the crap is my TV? (Cut back to Strong Bad.) Ooh, a note. (Picks up the note.) (Offscreen) Dear, Strong Bong, thanks for allowing me to borrow your TV without your permission! Signed, Honstlar.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on May 30, 2020 17:56:44 GMT -6
{Cut to everyone gathered around the Telebision in the Pillquarters.} This'll be fun! What are we watching? Saturday morning cartoons? A documentary on particle fusion advancement? A big-budget cop show with shoot-'em-up action? A black-and-white art film with no dialogue and no visuals, with an analogy for the temporality of life? One of those cooking shows where they have to make a seven-course meal out of medium-rare steak, gummy bears, a chair leg, and a grain of salt? Andy Griffith's head taped to the TV?
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Post by Honstlar on May 30, 2020 20:34:16 GMT -6
All of those! ExceptforthatoneSRMX12suggested. (Offscreen) Uh, Purple Guy? (Pan to Homestar holding the TV remote.) How do you open this candy bar? Homestar, that's a remote.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 1, 2020 12:55:05 GMT -6
Yeah, you numbskull, it doesn't have to be opened. Here, let me show you. {eats the remote} Ohh. That explains everything. {takes out another remote} Good thing I brought two dozen extra remotes just in case that happened. You brought more?! Oh, Honstlar, you shouldn't have! {picks up a box of remotes and starts eating} Great, now we have one left. You'd better not eat this, Garbles. Oh, did you want it? You can have it then. Thank you. Now, what should our first watchy thing be?
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 1, 2020 20:42:01 GMT -6
Why don't we pick something at random? Brilliant idea, Brother Stom! Fetcheth me the Broternal Blindfold of Impaired Vision!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 2, 2020 18:14:38 GMT -6
{Stom places a used napkin on Honstlar's face.} Thank you, kind sir. {clicks the remote}{Cut to the TV.} Welcome very much back, everyone, to what I some-the-times like to call... The Show {pronounced sha-ow}. {Cut to Homestar watching.} Hey, look at that guy! I think he's maybe even me!
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 2, 2020 23:08:12 GMT -6
{Cut back to The Show.} Please help me in welcoming our first guest, Craaaaack Stuntman!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 3, 2020 16:50:13 GMT -6
{Crack Stuntman rises from the bottom of the frame.}CRACK STUNTMAN: BLAAAAAAAAAA— {inhales} You okay? CRACK STUNTMAN: {out of breath} Yeah, yeah, just gimme a sec. {deep breath} AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH'M CRACK STUNTMAN! Yes, I told them that! CRACK STUNTMAN: Well, good, because it's true. As you now doubt are aware, I do the vocal work of Firearmpossessor on the Cheeky Mandos. I am also a celebrity ambassador of the semi-profit charitable organization Pistols for Pandas, and I play the lead star Terilliam Actionface in the upcoming blockbuster, "2 Cool 4 Apolocypz", coming this summer. Check it out! My character has a gun for a face, and he can blow up on command and walk toward the camera in slow-motion without so much as a second glance! Thank you, very impressive. Now tell us what we all want to know... what is the best dressing for tortilla chips?
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 3, 2020 19:35:10 GMT -6
CRACK STUNTMAN: I don't see how that relates to anything I do. (Ding!) That's correct!
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 4, 2020 14:53:45 GMT -6
CRACK STUNTMAN: It is? Wait, what is this? Next question. Who was the 14th prime minister of Singapore? CRACK STUNTMAN: I dunno... Dan? Very good. Twelve dolla points to Griffith's door. CRACK STUNTMAN: I thought this was supposed to be an interview. {A buzzer sounds.} That is incorrect. And you know what that means! CRACK STUNTMAN: Bla-I really don't.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 4, 2020 17:32:40 GMT -6
It’s time to unleash... {As Homestar says the following, the audience joins in and the words appear onscreen}
The ravenous boars! {A pack of boars trample Crack and Homestar. Cut through static to the computer room. Strong Bad is in front of the Lappier.} {singing} I’m your email friend, I’m not your email friend, but I’m your Strong Bad Email friend, but really I’m not actually your friend, but I am. {brings up an email}{Strong Bad reads “Zack M.“ as “Zach ‘em up, Zack ‘em up, Zack ‘em up, y’all!”}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 6, 2020 18:07:02 GMT -6
Well, the Zach 'Em Up Kid, your timing couldn't have been more impeccable. I was just on my way to transport the population of Strong Badia to somewhereabouts else in the galaxy! Like, just-just! Let's check up on how the procedure is coming along. {Strong Bad gets up and leaves. Pause. He peeks into the screen.} I said let's check up on it. {Wipe to Strong Badia. SRMX12 is standing there typing.} S-Bro! How's your styles, my main man? {Silence. SRMX12 coughs and covers his face with his computer.} Erm, I have finished planting magnetic field generators into the soil, which will hopefully jettison this piece of land right off the face of the Earth if all goes well. And if all doesn't go well? Well, the alternative is that the whole area will collapse and sink into the depths of the planet. But don't worry, I'm very knowledgable in all kinds of technological fields, including magnetic ones. {Strong Sad wanders in.} SRMX12, you realize the force of several tons of soil being lifted from the ground will cause gravitational disturbances across the globe? Uh, let's see... {types a bit} Volumetric... studies? That's a science word. Whatever. {walking away} I guess the planet could use a gravitational disturbance every now and then. So, Stro-B, you ready to get this show off the road? Go ahead. First we need to decide which planet you'd like to move to. {hands Strong Bad a brochure} Here's a travel brochure if you need help with your decision. {reading} Wait, are you tellin' me there's no oxygen on Pluto? How do the Plutonians survive? There's no life on Pluto, as far as I'm aware. Of course. They all died from lack of oxygen. The mouse's dog must've been the only survivor... and come to think of it, why would a mouse be owning a dog anyway? Are you done with the brochure? Ooh, Venus looks pretty dang nice. It's got palm trees, sandy shores, and a oceanside resort with its own foosball table and free rental DVDs! Excellent choice, sir. You sure this is accurate? I searched for Venus and it directed me to this webpage on Venus Resort, so it must be. The Prisma One does not lie. All right! Let's get going! {typing} Accessing quantum ray receptors... receiving scientific jargon... and done!
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 6, 2020 20:11:12 GMT -6
(Strong Badia shoots out of the ground. Homestar walks in from the left.) Hey Random Crater In The Ground, can you tell me where Strong Bad’s fondue pot is?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 7, 2020 15:43:52 GMT -6
{Cut to the surface of Venus. Strong Badia lands.} All right! Hello, five-and-a-half-star beach resort! {Pause. Cut to an extreme wide shot, showing Strong Badia in isolation.} Uh, five-and-a-half-star beach resort? You here? {A space tumbleweed rolls by.} Okay, well... how 'bout the spa? I'll settle for just a spa and an outdoor pool. {Cut to a shot of the planet.} {voiceover; echoing} Hello? {Cut back to Strong Bad.} Well, at least I'm not stuck on the terrible Terran homeworld with all those dorkulons. This planet is all Strong Bad, all the time! You can't ask for a better planet than this! {Space crickets chirp.} And hey, looks like the thick acidic atmosphere is trapping the Sun's radioactive heatwaves! This thousand-degree weather will work wonders for my abs.
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 7, 2020 16:44:54 GMT -6
(Cut to the Lappier) {typing} Surprisingly, it didn’t. While we weren't feeling any heat, our skin started flaking like crazy! It actually got so bad, That Homestar With The Glasses had to bring out the industrial strength sunscreen. (Cut back to Venus. SRMX12 is holding a tube of Hyper-Text Markup Lotion with “SPF 1 Zillion” written in black marker over the “LOSCHE!”) There, that should be enough.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 8, 2020 16:26:55 GMT -6
Thank you, twelvey-letterm'n. {walking away} Now for the five-month voyage back to Earth... Hey, could you bring some Earth pastries the next time you stop by? I'll even settle for the Neptunian kind. {Pause.} Cool. Later. {Longer pause.} So, Tire. How you holdin' up? This new planet is a vast improvement over the old one, ain't it? Yeah, I think so too. {The Stop Sign falls over.} Whoa now, Stoppy. If you disagree, tell me politely. None of this angry backsass you're spoutin'. VOICE: {offscreen} Yakka foob mog. What's that, Stoppy? VOICE: {offscreen} Greep gork! Goop goop! {Dozens of identical voices begin chattering unintelligibly at the same time.} Cinder Block? That you? You know I don't speak Welsh. {The chatter continues as a crowd of aliens resembling Scramble Dan peeks over the fence.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jun 8, 2020 17:43:05 GMT -6
Uhh.. Hi?
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jun 12, 2020 21:36:20 GMT -6
ALIEN #1: You is trespass on our planet. Kindly remove your land from our land. No way! I just moved here! ALIEN #2: If you is refuse cooperation, we is to fry you with Combustion-Redoxulator 3000! Ooh, I like the sound of that. Can I see it? ALIEN #2: You ask for it. {takes a stick and lights it on fire} A flamey stick? That's the Combust-whatever-tron you guys were talking about? ALIEN #3: We is not technologic-advanced much. Well, listen, I'm not going back to Earth, okay? It cost me like twelve bucks to get over here. ALIEN #1: You is Earthling?! Yeah, why? {The aliens chatter excitedly in their native language.}ALIEN #1: Earthling, we is glad to have you. Please you stay forever. Well, that's not what I was expecting. Thanks, I guess. ALIEN #4: We is give you all the food you is desiring, and not so we can you fatten up for any reason. No sir.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Nov 11, 2020 22:17:09 GMT -6
Ooh, that's a sweet deal. You guys got chicken tenders on your planet? ALIEN #5: We give you eye of great Flontha'ark beast. Never been a fan of those, but free food is always nice. Lay it on me! {Static cut to The Show.} And that's why, contrary to popular belief, trousers are not a necessity. Now give it up for our next guest... hold on. Who's our next guest? {whispering offscreen} Um, we don't have no one lined up yet. No extra special celebrity guest stars? Guess I'll have to go find someone rich and/or famous enough to interview, or quiz, or whatever it is I do on this show. We'll resume Strong Bad's adventures later, just thought I'd break it up a bit for some variety in the pacing.
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amberite
Acolyte
Almighty Waitress/Janitor
wowie! good movie
Posts: 11
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Post by amberite on Apr 18, 2021 19:08:51 GMT -6
{walking onscreen} So I heard you needed someone to interview? : Hello, Janit Lady! That's a nice offer and all, but you don't seem that rich and/or famous. : Er...Of course I am. That diner I work for is popular, isn't it? : Hmm...let me think about it... : Alright, just don't think about how I got here!
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Post by Honstlar on Apr 19, 2021 16:06:59 GMT -6
Okay, then let me think about how I got here. It all started five months ago when I slipped on a pizza box...
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 19, 2021 20:29:13 GMT -6
Fascinating, Homestar. Tell us more... Well, I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory. For sure, for sure. Can you elaborate? What kind of pizza was it? The kind with cherry in it. I think that's called a pie. Thank you for correcting me, Homestar. Anyway, continuing... Uh, which one of us is being interviewed here? Shhh! Don't interrupt. My guest is telling a fascinating tale of intrigue and mystery.
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amberite
Acolyte
Almighty Waitress/Janitor
wowie! good movie
Posts: 11
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Post by amberite on Jul 3, 2021 9:54:08 GMT -6
: Anyways, after slipping on that pie box, I wonder why it was there in the first place! I wasn't holding it, I think, so someone else must've dropped it. So, I started thinking "who do I know that likes cherry pie?"
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 3, 2021 18:22:50 GMT -6
{Drumroll.} Why, none other then America's No. 1 Choice in Gumption™, Homestar Runner! {Homestar Runner's Theme Song plays as a third Homestar appears.} I can not smell a lie, I droppéd that pie box on my way to the dog tracks. What dog tracks? {Cut to Trivia Time, Tony Stoney, Gooblies and Pom Pom on The Track. Pom Pom has a sign reading "MAH DOGE" taped to his chest, Wind can be heard in the background.) {Bubbles.} (Why do I even bother...) {Cut back to The Show.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 11, 2021 18:36:35 GMT -6
Excuse me, aren't I supposed to be the interviewee? Ah, yes, that's right. Run along now, guys. Let's meet for lunch sometime! {The other two Homestars leave.} So, Sume, tell us about yourself. What's your favorite color? What did you eat for lunch tomorrow? What's your third-most overrated brand of toothbrush? What's the meaning of life? Sorry, I only know the answer to three-and-a-half of those questions.
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 13:38:54 GMT -6
(BUZZ!) I'm sorry, but the answer to that last question was "Way-o, way-o."
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 15, 2021 15:59:34 GMT -6
{Static cut to a shot of a generic sitcom house. A theme song begins, sung by Some Variety of Neville.}SINGERS: Whether you're planning an evil scheme... {The camera pans to the Pretender and Mr. Dando tossing a football in the yard.}SINGERS: Or just blowing off some steam... {Pan inside the door, where the Cleanser Geek is reading a book.}SINGERS: You need to put together a team... {Pan to the kitchen, where Grindolo is wearing an apron and stirring a pot of soup.}SINGERS: Like the Warraki Family! {Fade to Grindolo and his minions together on the couch, as the title "The Warraki Family" appears over them.}NARRATOR: The Warraki Family is filmed in front of a live studio audience. {Fade out. The episode begins with the Cleanser Geek on the phone.} Pardon? No, thank you. I'm not interested. {hangs up} {walks in} Who was that? Just some telemarketer. Trying to sell me a doomsday device. ...What kind of doomsday device? {A laugh track plays.} Don't tell me you haven't bought a present for Grindolo's birthday. Grindolo's birthday? {pause} I mean, yes, Grindolo's birthday. Of course I've bought him something. Well, what is it? {looks around the room for a moment, then picks up a lamp} Do you think he'll like this lamp? {A laugh track plays.} Pretender, you can't just give Grindolo something he already owns. He'll probably kill us all. Hey, that gives me an idea. I'll kill the Broternal Order of Different Helmets! His party is tomorrow. You sure you can do that before then? {walks in} What are you talking about? Oh, uh, I've got sports... practice. Catch ya later, Mr. G! {The Pretender leaves and Grindolo looks at the camera, shaking his head. A laugh track plays.}
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Post by Honstlar on Jul 15, 2021 16:31:46 GMT -6
It's been one of those days.
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Jul 17, 2021 14:59:57 GMT -6
{A comedic musical sting plays as the scene transitions to Mr. Dando's room.} Let me get this straight, Pretender. You forgot about Grindolo's 1,021st birthday, and now you want to kill our archnemeses before his party tomorrow without him finding out? That's... exactly what I said, yes. In that case, we're gonna need a plan. Hey Cleanser, can you distract Grindolo for a few minutes? I'll see what I can do! {leaves}{Cut to Grindolo organizing the bookshelf.} Cleanser. How are Pretender and Dando doing? Do they need snacks? Uh, no, they don't. Really? But Pretender's always hungry. Is something wrong? He's just, uh, not feeling well. In that case, I'll heal him up with one of my magic spells. NO! He's busy, um, writing a song. A song? For my birthday? N—no... not at all! It's obvious, Cleanser. Why else would he be writing a song? I expect the greatest song I've ever heard at my party tomorrow. {Zoom in on Cleanser's nervous face. A laugh track plays.}
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Post by Gfdgsgxgzgdrc on Apr 27, 2022 18:09:51 GMT -6
{Cut to Cleanser talking to the Pretender.} You're in deep trouble, Pretender. Grindolo thinks you're writing a song for his birthday. A really good one, too. Oh no, he does?! I didn't even know he knew what a music was! {A laugh track laughs hysterically.} Why would he think that, anyway? I made up a lie that you were writing a song so he wouldn't interrupt your plans, and he thought it was for your birthday. So now you've got less than 24 hours to write one. Oh, great. So before the party tomorrow, I've got to kill the BODH and write a birthday song? How on Earth will I get out of this wacky situation?! {A sad trombone sound plays as the camera slowly zooms in to the Pretender shrugging at the camera. The canned audience laughter continues for an unsettlingly long time.}ANNOUNCER: "The Warraki Family" will be back after these important messages! {Static cut to Strong Bad Email. He is still on Venus, now sitting on a throne with aliens lining up to serve his every whim.} —and a corn dog! Deep fried in that mixture you get when you combine all the drinks from the soda fountain at the fast food place. ALIEN #1: Your wishes my command, your majestic royalty. You there, go to Earth and retrieve me some lobster! Both live lobster, 'cause those are really cool-looking, and cooked lobster, 'cause those are tasty. ALIEN #2: Courseness, sire, we not will fail to fattening you— I mean, serving you. {winks at his fellow aliens} What was that wink for? ALIEN #2: Oh, just a bit clever wordplay, sire. You see, the phrase of English "serving you" can mean both the definition of "serving food toward you" and "serving you as a food". I don't get why that's funny. ALIEN #2: That is the intention. I will be go to get your foods now, sire. Thanks, and bring back extra barbecue sauce!
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